Keeping Hope

"When parents lose hope, children and teens respond with bitter anger. After all, if your own parents have lost hope, then you are in a sorry state!" ~ Deborah D. Gray, Nurturing Adoptions, p. 153

One of the things that Jubilee struggles with, without knowing that she is struggling, is a lack of hope. It doesn't look like I expected it to look. She isn't mopey or sad all of the time, but she doesn't know how to think through things. She does fine until the routine ends and she has to figure out what to do next. When she gets there, she stumbles.

I have been overwhelmed with keeping schedules together. Between three sports seasons, seven class schedules and two pre-schoolers I have a hard time remembering what it is I am supposed to do. If I walk from one room in my house to the next the needs comes crashing down around me and cause me to feel hopeless. There just isn't enough time in the day to get it all done.

I know that this is how Jubilee feels as well. Everywhere she looks there is something new to learn. New friends, new routines, new languages, new sports, new activities, new appliances, everything is new. I am sure that she is thinking there is not enough time in this life to make yet another adjustment to a new living situation.

My friend Lisa, has had similar conversations with her daughter, and she loaned me Deborah Gray's book. If only I had time to read it! This is the paradox of self-help books: if you read them before you are in the situation it doesn't stick well, but once you are in the situation and need the knowledge you don't have time to cram it all in. Thank God that He gives us a lifetime to sort all of this stuff out. I would love to have it all smoothed over in half an hour, but that is not how God works in real people. Instilling hope takes time. It takes establishing a track record. You have to ride out the good times and the bad, so that your kids know that your love is the real deal. It takes not losing hope yourself. That was a tough line.

My children sense my frustration. They see when I am having a bad day, and they take it personally. Staying on top of my game everyday is impossible. I had to remind myself this morning that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me. I tend to forget to take the time to pray, to reflect, and to seek God in the midst of the struggle. Jubilee is a committed Christian, which allows me to grab her by her baptism if I need to. She knows the truth, and it does set her free. I just have to remind her, and myself, to seek it.