Developing a meaningful relationship with a daughter that you have just met, is harder than I thought it would be. Nes was so easy to love. We had a few tense moments, but he was so cuddly you just couldn't stay mad for long. Jubilee however is more challenging.
I am trying to figure out what my hang-ups are. I am not given to drama. Girls that like to create drama drive me crazy. Jubilee is pretty low drama, praise God! She does like to create a scene when she knows she has done something wrong. It's a diversion tactic, and I find it very annoying. I also do not like to be ignored. Actually it is kind of funny, I tend to do most of the things she does that I find so irritating. Huh, maybe this is God's grace to me. Learning to love someone like me, that didn't become like me by genetics.
I find myself getting sort of prickly, and thinking maybe this just isn't going to be one of those close family relationships. Then I remind myself, I'm the adult here. I need to lay my life, my comforts, my expectations down and seek who this girl really is. Then I need to love her just the way she is. I need to quit worrying about whether or not she likes me, and worry about whether or not I'm loving her the way she needs. I need to adjust my expectations. She doesn't understand our house rules. She doesn't know all of my pet peeves. She is still learning what things mean, and what an American family looks like. I have to admit that when I try to see our family from her perspective, we are pretty strange. The changes she is going through are pretty intense. She is also at a tough age. My Bronster doesn't always handle the little changes in her life well.
It is something I need to pray about and think consciously about every day. I need to remind myself to be kind, to let love cover a multitude of sins, to love her unconditionally. She may never love me the same way in return, and that is not the point. I am her mom. I need to do that job, and trust God to work in her life. Loving a child in a picture is a whole lot easier to do than to love a child sitting at your table sometimes. When she comes to me and hugs me and tells me that she loves, it doesn't get any better than that.
Life in a small town with a large family. Trying to put God on display.
2 comments:
I have to tell you I KNOW what you are going through right now. With Teshe the love came without even trying. With Samry it has been nothing like that.
It's okay if you don't love her unconditionally yet. It is not reasonable to think that you would. i think that is the biggest thing i wasn't prepared for. When the mom-guilt washed over you, it's hard to not become overwhelmed by what you don't feel.
Melissa Fay Greene said it best, "now is not the time for feelings". In the beginning, don't worry too much about what you do or don't feel. Everything is upside down.
You are a great mom and it won't always look like this.
Amanda
Thanks for your thoughts and honesty on your transition. We are in the process of getting a 7 year old girl from Ethiopia (with some significant medical issues) and I have read your thoughts with interest as I have a lot of fears regarding our transition. It is encouraging to be able to see others working through the process.
Post a Comment