Seeing Things From Her Side

Adopting an older child has been very different than adopting a toddler. I am discovering part of the reason that Jubilee looked so happy in the pictures I saw of her in the orphanage, is because she was happy. She had many friends. She liked the food. School was not too difficult. Her family came to visit regularly. She was comfortable, and everything was familiar. She wasn't burdened with worrying about her future, so her present didn't seem so terrible. Then along comes some family thinking they can improve her life by whisking her off to America.

I admit I sent off pictures of our family and our home thinking she would be excited about having us. I thought she would be thrilled at the prospect of having a home and family of her own. I was arrogant, and wrong. She wasn't thrilled, she was scared to death, and heartbroken. Her dream of getting out of the orphanage and living with her brother was dashed. She was losing her best friend. She was being adopted too, but would she ever see her again? She loves Ethiopia, Amharic, injera, Ethiopian Christianity, being warm, pretty much all of it.

It was comfortable for me to think about keeping my children's Ethiopian culture, when they weren't really going to remember it. But now, Jubilee knows what the real deal looks like. She doesn't want to lose her Amharic, because she doesn't want to lose all of the people in Ethiopia that speak it. She doesn't think America is so great. She thinks my Ethio-American food is pretty bad actually. She loved going to Seattle and being in a Habesha neighborhood. She was right proud. She recognizes that what we are is American. Nothing we do is familiar to her.

I tried to explain homesickness to her recently. I'm sure I used way too many words. Her vocabulary is still very limited. And talking about your feelings is not a very Ethiopian thing to do. I don't know if she understood, but I hope she did a little bit. I am sorry in many ways for what she is going through now. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for her.

Then to plop her into a family and expect her to have any clue how to function is just unrealistic. My six year old gave her a bounce on the trampoline yesterday that sent her into a two hour tizzy. He was trying to show her how fun it was, but she did not understand AT ALL. She thought he was downright mean and that he will be shunned. Forgiveness is not something she is quick to do. Loving your annoying little brother has taken on a whole new dimension. I find myself needing to explain so many things. How do you do that with someone that doesn't speak the language? She understands some, and truly she has been so kind in all of it. Her ability to cope is amazing. When I find myself getting annoyed, I just stop and try to put myself in her shoes.

I am truly hoping that someday she will see this as something good. Someday she will see the opportunities that she has been given as a good thing. Maybe I am hoping that the opportunities that she has really are a good thing. My thoughts of "what have I done?" are not about ruining my family, but about ruining her life. She loves Ethiopia. Her family lives there. Are we really what is good for her? Sometimes my explanations seem weak even to me. She asks me why things are the way they are, and all I can say is that it is God's will. I have to trust Him, that this too shall be made right.