End of The School Year

Today is the last day of school for our elementary kids.  It is always a day of mixed emotions.  I'm looking forward to being a little less harried in the mornings, and being able to run to the store by myself.  But I am also anxious about how I am going to keep everyone occupied.  I know that Soso needs work to do, Ed needs attention, BK needs to be directed, Jubilee needs to keep working on her English, and the list goes on.  I am far out numbered, and planning everyone's lives is not my gift.  I like to give them the job and expect them to get it done, unfortunately I need to train them in the work first.  It will be a character builder for all of us, I am quite sure.  My large work force takes a lot of training, but they are hard workers and for that I am very grateful.

I am also wondering when I am going to find time to sit quietly before the Lord.  I am realizing more and more how much I need that regeneration.  My gut reaction is to turn into military mom and whip everybody into shape.  It works for a few moments until my charges can sneak away and find some peaceful place to be.  I know it is wrong headed of me to go there, and I need to stop when I hear my voice taking that sharp tone, and see the mild panic in my children's eyes.  I need to drop to my knees and ask for God's Spirit of love and kindness to drown out the drill Sargent.

Parenting in faith is tricky sometimes.  It is easy to compare my kids to someone else's kids and feel like we are falling short.  Instead of looking to God and His Word I start looking to my neighbors with the perfectly kept children and start feeling inadequate.  Sometimes I need to fight off the pride that says "well, I have nine kids, and they are doing pretty well, so I must be a pretty smart woman."  Then God brings to mind the snarky comment I made to some child, or the fact that I went to bed before half of them did, or that I didn't remember to take birthday treats to school, or fill in the blank.  This family is God's work, it is for His glory.  The work I do in my home is for Him.  If my kids are well behaved it is because of His Spirit in them, not my skillful parenting.  I know that my work on its own is not sufficient to get us through lunch, let alone life.  If I do my work that He gives me, remembering that it is His this summer may be glorious.  If I fall back into my strength and try to gut it out, it will be rotten.

Thankfully God does not leave us alone.  I am surrounded by a community of wonderful, perfectly flawed people that love us.  I need to keep in mind that I need them, and that I need to be of service to them.  When I start sinking into self pity I don't want anyone to come to my house, mostly because they would see what a wreck I really am.  I know the quickest way out of the "woe is me" is to make a meal for somebody, even a not quite perfect one is often appreciated.  Even if they end up feeding it to their dog, it will do me good to think of them for a couple of hours instead of myself.  This usually works with Jubilee as well.  If she can work with me she does just fine.  Summer is a great time to get involved with neighbors, and my neighborhood there is no avoiding it.  The neighbor kids walk right in whenever they feel like it, and I need to make sure they are greeted with sweetness.

The bottom line: believe that God has the strength to get me through this summer, and that it will be a time of growth and refreshing, even if it seems like we are taking the long road.