Great Expectations

Expectations can be such a killer.  As a "stay at home mom," I feel this pressure to have the perfect house, perfect yard, perfect kids, and to keep  myself up.  I have cut down on the number of magazines I have around the house, because they were starting to overwhelm me with unattainable goals.  The pictures of beautiful gardens, and white slip covered family rooms filled with perfectly clean children and dogs was just too much for me.

Yesterday, I was talking with some other moms at the pool.  We were talking about how difficult it is to keep our families running, with all of the activities our kids get involved in.  Then we still need to keep up our houses, yard work, and occasionally have coffee with our friends.  I'll be honest, in all of the busyness of life, I let cleaning and yard work fall to the bottom of the to do list.  We get the big stuff, keeping the kitchen safe, laundry, picking up, but "deep cleaning" happens on a 25 year basis, maybe.  I confess that if someone asked me to define "deep cleaning"  they would probably be horrified at my definition.  Honestly I don't want to know the insides of my closets that intimately, I would much rather know my children, and frankly they need all the time I can give them.  Yes I could have them clean with me, but really how much cleaning is going to get accomplished with 10 people in a closet?

I was thinking about it as I was driving kids to gymnastics and track. I am learning to simplify.  I am learning to do what needs to be done to keep everyone safe and fed, and then choosing the optional time consumers based on what my family needs.  If we need to be at a track meet, we can pack a simple picnic dinner and eat there.  Dinner doesn't have to be one meat dish, two salads, bread, and dessert.  It can be a loaf of french bread some cheese and salami and a watermelon.  My kids don't have to have baths every night.  My closets don't have to have color coordinated boxes that are labeled and in alphabetical order.  I do try to make sure that the homework that comes home gets done and goes back to school, but sometimes it doesn't.  I have tried to guide the kids in choosing activities that we can all do together.  Swimming lessons happen for everyone all at the same time.  We all ride our bikes together.  Cross country allows us all to be at the meets, and the kids can run together when they train. I have tried to avoid sports that are heavily age separated, and take one individual out of the family for too much time.  It is a balance, and it changes all of the time.

I am trying to get over my expectations of what I thought a perfect family would look like.  We have weeds in the yard, and toys scattered artfully everywhere.  My carpets look like they should be replaced.  I have many, many hand prints, and forehead prints on my windows.  Sometimes we have cold cereal for dinner, and only 7 or 8 of us are at the table.  My kids like to wear their hand me down t-shirts with their worn out jeans on the days when they don't have to wear their school uniforms.  I am starting to be okay with this.  As long as they speak kindly to one another, which they often don't, and they enjoy being together, that is the most important thing.  I want to spend my time working on the things that God sees,  not the things that the photographer sees.  If there is joy in the midst of the mess, then I have done my job well.