A Hope in the Unseen

A Hope in the Unseen was the title of the book we read this month for our book group.  It was a misquotation of Hebrews 11:1 by one of the protagonist's teachers, but it was supposed to represent what he was striving for in his life.  Sometimes I feel like that is what I am striving for in my life.  Most of my days look very similar, and fairly mundane.  I don't have any blueprints that I am following to piece together some magnificent building.  I often feel like I get up and get on the treadmill and do the same thing I did the day before, only I am hoping this treadmill is going to take me somewhere.

For the last few days I have been wandering in the wilderness.  I have been looking with eyes of unbelief and trying to figure out where I am going and how I am going to get there.  I would very much like to get a google map of my life so that I can reassure myself that I am on the right road.  I keep forgetting, which is a sin in and of itself, that I am not "going somewhere", I am living.  Living involves getting up and doing things, doing things with people.  It involves repetition, discipline and belief.  It involves striving for things that are intangible.  I need to be seeking peace, love, joy, patience, gentleness, and self-control.  Those things are hard to measure, hard to check off the to do list.

I keep wanting to "fix" things in my life.  I want to create peace by making the kids play outside.  I want to find joy by eating chocolate.  I want to find patience in a room by myself with soothing music on.  God in His perfect wisdom is thwarting me at every turn.  He gave me, an introvert who loves to sit and read, nine children, one husband, and a puppy.  He didn't give us a mansion to live in, or fabulous weather to play outside in.  He has given me just what I need, nine children that have picked up my bad habits, and a dog, to make sure that any extra money I might have had, is required for something important, like x-rays.  When I step back and look at it, as say my brother would, I have to laugh.  I have to laugh really hard, because it is really funny.  So, how should I go about fixing this mess?  I don't know, maybe be thankful for it?

I am going to be thankful for all of the inconveniences.  I am going to be thankful for every mess on my carpet, which is not a particularly nice carpet anyway.  I am going to be thankful for every time my children tell me they are hungry, and I have food to feed them.  I am going to be thankful for the abundant rain that is making everything around me green, which happens to be my favorite color.  I am going to be thankful for the unseeable future that I am working so hard to get to.  I am quite certain that my future does not hold vacations in Hawaii, or any other warm place.  There will be no 5000 square foot houses with fabulous views.  I won't be having quiet dinners in fancy restaurants with Rick.  I'm not at all sure what is up ahead, but I am quite sure I won't be alone.  I have my nine children, husband, and puppy, and Jesus too.  If I will believe that this is what God has called me to, and that He alone can give me all that I need to live this life, I will be blessed.  Someone driving by my house might not see the blessings, but that does not mean that they are not there.  These blessings are seen with eyes of faith.