Parenting 101

We just got home from a very helpful chat with our associate pastor.  I wasn't sure where to start when we got to his office, but we meandered through some helpful territory.  I had to jot a few notes, since my brain tends to offload information quickly.  Especially information that seems unnecessary due to its commonness.  He reminded us that we have a new child.  She is not a baby, but she needs much of the same training that our babies needed.  She has learned how to live life in ways that are not quite right, and we need to retrain her.  Some things she already knows, so we need to encourage the areas that are strong, and retrain the areas that are weak.  I knew that, but somehow it got lost in the heat of our little battles.  Training in the midst of the battle is a bad idea.  We need to be proactive in training in the day to day.  We need to be talking to her about how to live in a Christian family all, the, time. We need to set aside time with her individually when she is not so angry that she cannot hear us.  We need to quit worrying about upsetting her, and just show her how to live.  When she gets upset we need to help her calm down, and then figure out where things went wrong, and how we should of handled it differently.  This is all so basic, I read it so many times that it became too familiar and I let it slide.

Our biggest weakness has been that we have let her control situations where she was angry.  I was afraid that if she ran away I would get in trouble.  We talked to our police department, and our local probation office about what would happen if she were to be picked up by them.  They assured us that if she runs away, she is in the wrong, and that she would be returned home.  They also walked us through the process and told us that they would be happy to explain it to her anytime.  This has lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders.  I think we will have an officer, that goes to our church, sit down with her and explain what the police are there for.  I think that if she understands that they are on our side, and that we are all here to protect her, she will stop threatening to run away.  I will stop worrying about her running away, because I know what will happen if she does.  It was such a relief to talk to people that see troubled kids frequently and hear that an ounce of prevention really can save a pound of cure.  They understood that we loved her, and want her to be safe, and they understood that her situation is very difficult, but that she needs to know now that the law is on our side. 

Jubilee is still at her friend's house.  We will pick her up this weekend.  I know that it may be difficult for her to transition back into our family after a week of free time with her friends.  I am very glad that she has had this week, and even if we have a few rough days, it will be worth it.  I feel like I have a few days to pray about how to love her.  We were reminded that love is efficacious.  She is a very smart young lady, and she sees that the things she would like to have will require work.  I think sometimes that seems daunting to her.  I know that she can do it.  I know that God has a plan for her, to give her a future and a hope.  I know that her friend also knows this and reminds her of it often.  I am so encouraged.  I know how to be a good mom.  I know how to love my children, and walk with them as brothers and sisters in Christ.  I just need to keep that front and center in my mind when I am teaching Jubilee.  I need to see her as Christ sees her, and that she is also Christ to me.  She has taught me so many things in the past five months about laying my life down for strangers.  I am so blessed to be her mom.