Loving the Unlovely

I walked into the living room this morning as my husband was encouraging one of the children to love their classmate that was rubbing them the wrong way.  This child is having a hard time living up to their classmate's expectations.  Rick reminded all of us that we must love those that are unlovely. 

I had an ah ha moment the other night as I gave Jubilee her meds.  My lovely daughter would be the object of hatred in some places simply because she carries a virus that some people find frightening.  I gave her a big hug and thanked God that this hard providence for her brought her into our home.  It is hard for me to believe sometimes that people will hate one another over such trivial things.  HIV strikes fear into some hearts, but I live with it everyday and don't think about it much at all.  Nes is still healthy and not needing medicine so sometimes I forget he has the virus.  It is a serious thing, but it is manageable.  It is also not obvious, so unless someone has told people they have it no one would ever know.  Their lack of lovliness is hidden from most eyes.

It also made me think about those whose unloveliness is obvious.  Those people that are scarred, or born with defects that we find repulsive.  We are called to love those people too.  Often they are the people with the sweetest temperaments.  I find myself not knowing what to say to them, but do they care?  So what if I say somethings silly, I just need to make the effort to speak to them.  I need to let them know that I see them, and that they are lovely.

Lately the unloveliness that we are struggling with is in people that are outwardly beautiful, but inwardly awkward.  They say things that just should not be said by lovely people.  It may be the thoughtless comment of a sibling.  It may be foolish talk at school.  It may be laughing at an inopportune moment.  Childhood provides all kinds of opportunities to let love cover a multitude of sins.  It seems that people who are beautiful are given more grace than those that are awkward.  It is easy to forgive the popular and powerful, everyone wants to be in good grace with them.  It seems that the standard changes when it is the awkward kids that have the problem.  No one seems to notice that they are offended, so why bother apologizing?  God sees all of this and knows the heart of men.  It requires more love and grace to let the offence go and forgive, even if forgiveness is not asked for.  Forgiveness is powerful medicine, mostly for the one extending forgiveness.

We have been working hard on weeding out those roots of bitterness that spring up.  With lots of people in our home, and  some from different backgrounds, offenses are many and opportunities to forgive are frequent.  Sometimes they are too frequent for me to keep up with all of them.  I will see evidence of bitterness cropping up and we need to deal with it quickly.  Some of my children are more prone to keeping a record of wrongs than others.  Often I don't know it is there until one little bump causes a litany of offenses to be brought up.  That is when I sit down and ask if they remember all of the good things that person has done for them.  I remind them that they need to pray for each other, and let the offence that has been forgiven also be forgotten.  It helps to be thankful for all of the good things that have been done, and not harbor the bad.  We don't want someone else's unlovliness become ours because of our bitterness.

Love is tough stuff.  If only it were that blissful emotion that brings on cheesy background music and makes us feel airy.  Real love is work.  It is putting ourselves last and letting someone else be first.  It may even be putting someone else first who wants to be first, and letting them get their way.  It may be giving them something that we want badly.  It can be very difficult, but it truly brings peace.  It brings a freedom from remembering every evil thing done to us.  It means letting that bitterness be removed from our souls.  It means rejoicing in someone elses victories, and being truly happy for them.  It means that we don't have to fight and claw to be first and to get our way.  It means being content where we are and with what we have.  Real love is beautiful, and it brings a beauty in our lives that never fades.