Dealing with Drama

I have a very low tolerance for unnecessary drama.  I have a few children that are naturally gifted in the drama area.  Therefore, we naturally tend to bump heads often.  I have found that things go much more smoothly if I can remain calm, during these scenes.  When I let myself get visibly irritated by it, I get more tears, which of course makes things even better.  I have found that if I can calmly point out what they are doing and give them another option, the drama diminishes pretty quickly.  Some of my kids don't realize that they are creating a scene where one is not needed.  Some know exactly what they are doing.

Martha admitted to me one day that creating a big scene got her out of school, chores, things she didn't want to do, when she was living in the orphanage.  I can completely understand why the nannies would not want to deal with every tantrum.  It is exhausting, and there are days that I don't want to expend the energy to push her through the emotional smoke screen.  I have found that when I commit the situation to prayer, firm my resolve and hit it head on she gives in pretty quickly.  The humbling experiences are when she starts in for the nurse, or dental hygienist, or teacher, or other person that is trying to help her, and doesn't know that she is hiding a smile under the hidden face and fake sobs.  I have a hard time not getting annoyed with those days.

People are just too nice sometimes.  I remember when my then three year old son was pitching fits about swimming lessons.  It was ugly.  Here he was at the public pool crying, and screaming like I was abusing him because he didn't want to put his face in the water.  The sweet little college student teaching the class felt horrible.  The swimming director agreed with me, that he just needed to be forced to do it.  They did, it was painful for everyone for a couple of days, but now he is a beautiful swimmer. The pool has since changed its policy and doesn't allow toddlers to take lessons, we are so proud.  It is so much easier to deal with at home.  I am not brought to my knees by their tears, I know that they need to get through this acute emotional phase and learn to just get it done.  I have learned not to start some things too early in their emotional development, it is just not worth the humiliation for them or me.

I remember as a kid trying to sway my Mom through emotional manipulation.  She had seen it all before.  She would cut to the chase and tell me exactly what was going on in my heart.  It was such a shock to me, that I would just stare at her.  He took all the wind out of my sails.  This tactic has worked pretty well with my girls as they have gotten older.  If I can get them to stop, look me in the eye, and listen, I can explain the situation in very simple terms.  Almost always they smile, and realise how silly they are being.  If they are trying to get out of something, I let them know that they have just insured that they will be doing whatever it is they are fighting so hard to get out of.  They figure out pretty quickly that they are not going to get their way.  Some kids call me the "mean mommy," but I know that one day they will see that it was all for their own good.

I picked up a great little fairy tale called The Wise Woman, by George MacDonald.  It has been a great little night time read aloud for us.  The girls, myself included, can completely relate to the little girls in the story.  It has also been helpful for me to see where I am being a wise woman and where I am being a foolish woman.  It gives me the resolve to persevere against the raging emotions.  It has helped the girls to see where they are being foolish as well, without any lectures from me.  It is a great way to build their moral imaginations.  It helps them to understand why I am doing the things I am doing, as well as helping them see themselves in a different light.

Emotions can be a powerful force in the home.  The key for Moms is to keep theirs under control, and to stand firm in the face of everyone else's.  It is tempting to think it would just be easier to give in and let them have whatever it is they are screaming about at the time.  That short term gain, will play out to be a long term loss.  I can tell you from experience that they will grow up to thank you for it.  Their friends may think you are a mean mom, but they will respect you, which will also be to your benefit.  As with everything in life, it starts with getting our own house in order first.  I can't teach my girls to do something that I cannot do myself.