Working hard, getting nowhere

I should be folding laundry, but then again I should always be folding laundry.  Today I will let it wait.  My children are all occupied at school, finally, and this is a good thing.  A summer of hanging out, gets to be a bit much for all of us.  I have had several people ask me what I am going to do with all my time now that the kids are all at school.  Well, I am going to teach a couple of PE classes, help my daughter strengthen her reading skills, take a few turns at playground duty, keep the food coming at a regular pace, and try not to lose what's left of my memory.

My biggest brain teaser currently is how to get Martha up to speed in school.  There are several challenges in this realm, and it quite frankly is not my area of expertise.  God may be stretching me in new directions on this one, and I am extremely doubtful of my capability.  Yes, I could homeschool her, but with everyone else in school that presents several issues.  I could send her to a public school, but that also has its own set of issues.  I can continue to try to help her where she is and see what kind of progress we can make.  It is just very up in the air, in my head.  She is doing fine with her school schedule and her friends, and as long as she is making forward motion I'm not going to mess with it until I have a good solid alternative.  Indecision is one of my pet peeves, so this may seem like a silly thing, I get that.

The other personal issue I am wrestling with is my own set of unrealistic expectations.  While I can listen, smile and nod along with people telling me I can't do it all, for some reason I keep trying to do it all.  I want my house to be reasonably clean and organized.  I want to have dinner on the table with everyone smiling around it, telling me how wonderful it is.  I want my kids to be able to play sports.  I want to be able to help everyone with their homework.  I want to be able to do music lessons,  I want Madison to be able to work during the school year.  I want them all to get straight A's.  I want them all to go to college, marry beautiful people and live happily ever after, preferably within walking distance of me.  What?  Am I asking too much?

Somehow I find myself chasing rainbows.  They are so pretty after all.  I am trying very hard to remember that those rainbows are a gift from God.  I cannot work my way to grasping one.  I can drive, and plan, and sweat, and worry, but it won't get me all the things I want.  I did actually drop to my knees this morning and admit to God that I can't do it.  I know it, really I do.  I guess in the end all of my scurrying is just showing everyone that I don't trust God to do what He promises.  He promises to give us rest.  His expectations are actually pretty low, much lower than mine.  If I know this, why don't I let it come out my fingertips?  Honestly, I don't know.  Somehow there is a sick comfort in knowing that I worked my butt off.  All that busyness got me no where, but I was working the whole time :)

I'm hoping that if I tell myself this enough times it will sink in.  I may have to endure sweaty socks building up in the children's rooms.  I may have to live with pouty teenagers telling me that EVERYONE else gets to do all of this stuff.  I may have to live with B's, or the knowledge that some other mom had to do lunch duty.  God's yoke is light, mine is not.  When will I put mine down and take His up?

#996-1005

Lunch duty teachers

Phone calls from concerned family, I love you all!

Bearing one another's burdens

Lunch with friends

Hot August afternoons

After-school snacks

Children making music

Dog curled up at my feet

Moments alone

Completing lists, or at least making it to 1000 on a list that is never complete!