Start Over

I'm lost.  It just dawned on me that I am on a road that is not going where I want it to go.  I have been thinking that I need to turn around and back track until I find the place where I took the wrong turn.  It is a bad metaphor.  What dawned on me today, is that I can't go back.  God doesn't allow us to have do overs, what He does allow is start overs.  Every day is a new day.  I can't replay yesterday.  I can recognize that I did things wrong.  I don't have to go back and do it again the exact same way, God will bring those opportunities in the future, just as sure as the sun will rise again tomorrow morning.  What is required of me is to see it, believe it, ask God to remove the sin, and keep moving forward.

My personal sin tends to fall in the area of seeing all the things that are wrong.  That doesn't have to be a besetting sin, unless I refuse to believe that God can make it right, in His way, in His time.  When I let those imperfections cause me to be cranky and ungrateful then I have let my lust for perfection lead me astray.  I have not delighted in my family the way that I should have.  I see it.  I also see that God has covered a multitude of my sins with His love.  I have not gotten what I have deserved.  There are consequences of my sin playing out in my home, and I need to own those, but they are disproportionately minor compared to the offenses.

What is this girl to do?  I usually hang my head, and beat myself up about it for a while.  Then I rant at some poor unsuspecting person who shouldn't have asked me how I am.  Once it comes out of my mouth in all of it's hideous gory, I feel even worse, but can then see it for what it is.  I need to repent, often, loudly, boldly, and completely.  I have had a terrible attitude.  I have been ungrateful for all that God has given me.  Sadly I have been most ungrateful when things are really good.  When things are really hard, I cling to Jesus like a desperate child.  This is my day of opportunity.  I can look to Jesus, and say thank you.  Thank you for not leaving me in the kingdom of darkness.  Thank you for allowing me to marry a man who was way out of my league in a really good way.  Thank you for nine amazing children who know You.  Thank you for godly men that lead our church and our school and serve in our community every single day.  Thank you for not giving me what I deserve.  Thank you for dear friends that have gently admonished me and pointed me back to You.  Thank you for dieing that I may live.  Thank you for forgiving me, giving me a hug, and telling me to get back out in the game.  I pray today that I will give You more glory than I did yesterday.