On the second day of Christmas the party moved north. I have some work I need to get done, so I am home keeping the fire burning. I actually returned to an empty, quiet, mostly dark house today. It was weird.
So, what did I do with a day all by myself? Laundry. I got my head down and cleaned. Granted, I don't get a lot of opportunities to scrub floors that don't currently have little feet running around on them, why didn't occur to me to grab a book and flop down on the couch? That is so not my style. I always think I will get everything all cleaned up, and then sit down and read in peace. Today was a great opportunity to burst my bubble. The laundry will never be done. There will always be closets that look like I stand at the door and throw everything into it like I'm throwing confetti at a parade. I don't know what is under all of my daughter's beds, and frankly after today, I don't want to. Should one of these days come upon me again before I completely lose my mind, let the laundry wait and grab the book.
I am thankful that God has given me plenty of work to do. He has kept my hands busy, because I need that. At the same time, he brings me to places where what needs to be done is to sit and pray. There is nothing that I can do. There are problems that I can't fix. I can recognize them and point them out to God, and trust that He will fix it. Sometimes it isn't even a fix, it is just a fork in the road. I don't know which way to go, and I can't go down the road any farther.
Having my children reach adulthood is amazing. I'm so excited for them. They have so many opportunities before them. I know that God has their story written, and they are going to find out who He has created them to be. I have spent my years teaching, training, loving, encouraging, disciplining, walking along side them, but they are getting ready to leave me at the gate and take to the road on their own. I know they will be fine, just like the days when I left them at the pool with their swim instructor, while they looked dubiously at me. I know they are ready, more ready than they realize. I know that they need to spend some time listening to their father in heaven. I need to resist my temptation to be the Holy Spirit to them. Madie has a better head on her shoulders than I do, I need her to use it and not keep looking for my approval. It is not an easy line to walk, but I know that in the end God will fill in all the gaps, He always has.
I feel like these are the golden years. The kids are all still home. I am still able to get out of bed without too many aches and pains. No one needs a car seat. No one puked during the holiday. I have kids that can drive. I haven't had to find a babysitter in years. I have kids that can clean the toilets. I enjoy spending time hanging out with my teens. They are making friends that I really enjoy getting to know. We have enough money to keep the lights on, but not so much that I have to worry about managing it. My parents are still able to visit. They are independent. We have a lot of fun together. It is really quite amazing. All I can say is, "thank you God!" This is not a place I would have gotten to on my own. I was headed down some really dark alleys at different times in my life. By the grace of God, he turned my drama into peace. I know that He will do the same thing for my children. Trust Him kiddos, He has an amazing plan for you!
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