The Good Life is Complicated

Madonna is seeking to adopt from Africa again, you can read about it at CNN.com. Why does the whole world feel like they should have an opinion about this? There are a lot of families that adopt multiple children. The representative of the charity that was interviewed, feels that it is best for children to be cared for in their own country. I think actually what he meant is that it is best for the country, if their children are not taken to other countries. I would agree with that. Children are the future of any country. How they grow up, are cared for, and educated effects how they will lead in their generation. It is true that a child should be cared for by their parents, extended family, and community if at all possible. Sadly, in many cases that is simply not possible. I asked my friend Hanna, while we were in Ethiopia, if there were more people like her trying to care for abandoned children. She told me that their culture is more accustomed to receiving than to giving. They have had so little for so long that they don't want to give away what they have.

I came away from Ethiopia very sad for the struggles that they face. I struggled with why I should take this beautiful little boy from his home and from his country. I met his mother. I know how hard it is for her to support herself. I know that she lives in a country where admitting that you have HIV in order to receive medication often means that you cannot get jobs. Your family will not support you, your husband will abandon you, and many will shun you. Culturally you have to decide if it is better to be ostracized and starve to death, or die of AIDS. It sounds strange to us, but it is very real to them. It not only affects those that have HIV, those that are orphaned because their parents had HIV are also left to support themselves. They may have relatives that can help them, but many do not. Their relatives may be struggling to support themselves.


What does it mean to have a good life? Is American life better than Ethiopian life? How can you possibly answer that? It depends on a million things. That is why international adoption takes so long. They have to determine what they think about all of those variables in each specific case. There are so many questions in adoption that have no perfect answers. Even in domestic adoption it takes a long time to decide if one family is unfit to raise a child and another family is fit. Obviously the best situation is for Mom and Dad to be healthy, loving, and available to raise the children they beget. It doesn't always work out that way, not here, not in Africa, not in China, not anywhere. When a child is abandoned, for whatever reason it seems reasonable to find someone who is willing and able to care for them. The good life should certainly include people that love you, feed you, make sure your health is the best it can be, and that you receive an education. Even those things look very different to different people.

There are many reasons to adopt. The reasons we adopted were different than almost everyone we met in Ethiopia. We are all in different families, different communities, different circumstances. Most of the people that I have met through adoption are very concerned about giving back to Ethiopia, or wherever they have adopted from. Yes, giving a home to one child does not make things better for the children that are still there. It does provide a home for that one child. It does also connect their people to our people. When we brought Nes home, it didn't just affect our family. It affected our parents, my siblings, my neighbors, the folks I go to church with, they all have learned about Ethiopia. They are all interested in Ethiopia's children, and how they can reach out to them. We do give to humanitarian projects, and support people in Ethiopia who are ministering to the people there.

Adoption is a very complicated thing. It happens because families, which are complicated things, have broken down. Fixing those things is not easy. Just because things are not easy does not mean they are not worth doing. International adoption may not be the best solution to a country's problems, but is certainly a good solution for many children. I believe some of these children will be part of the answer to their home country's problems. If not them, maybe someone that was touched by them. I know in our home many hearts have been turned to Ethiopia. They are in our prayers, and they have become our people.