Grieving

Nes has been home almost six months. Things have gone surprisingly well. Lately we have seen more evidence of grieving than we had earlier. He has started asking about his friend Biruk more often. We are going to have him call Biruk, and make arrangements to visit Biruk's family. He has also started to make comments when he is tired that he isn't Nes S, or that his Dad is not his Dad. His very wise Daddy assured him that he is his Dad and that he loves him. He even told Nes one night that he had the papers to prove that he is our child. Nes thought about it for a minute and then asked to see them. These little scenes only last a few minutes before he takes our hands and tells us he loves us and falls asleep.

Today he came up to me with his photo album that we had sent in his welcome bag, he was crying. I set him in my lap and looked through the pictures with him. I asked him what was wrong. He pointed to a picture of K-man and Soso, and said "not same." I asked him what was not the same. He pointed to a tiny spot in the background where our matchbox rug was sitting in front of K-man's trunk. For some reason this was very upsetting to him. I gave him a piece of double bubble, and we kept looking at the pictures. There was one of him at the orphanage. I asked him if he liked it in Ethiopia, and he nodded. We sat there for ten minutes or so, and then we went downstairs to find the matchbox rug. He kept the photo album with him and showed it to his brothers and sisters. We talked about things that were the same and different in his photo album. It was very enlightening. There was a picture of me. My hair was shorter and I had different clothes, so I said that I looked different. He said no, I was the same. He pointed to my necklace, and said, "see, same."

I had no idea when I put together this photo album for him, how important it would be. Our agency has the families make a welcome bag for their kids, that they receive when they find out that they have a family. It typically contains a t-shirt, a photo album of the family, a couple of small gifts, and a letter from the family. This is their introduction to their family and the beginning of the bonding process. It is quite emotional when you get the picture of your new child wearing the t-shirt that you sent them and looking at your photos. Those pictures have survived one year, from here to Ethiopia and back home, and they are still very important. When we first picked Nes up he showed me a picture in the album of K-man on a bike. Of course I thought K-man was the important part of the picture, but Nes wanted to know all about the bike. I'm wondering now what our new daughter will find interesting in her photo album.

All of these milestones are making a beautiful story of our new family. I hadn't imagined that our family story would pick up these interesting chapters from Africa. I am very grateful for my son, and for my future daughter, and for the emotions that they bring with them. It is good to remember that there is a time to laugh and a time to cry, and that it is all very good.