Family Tangles

Last night I received some pictures from a friend who just returned from Ethiopia. She said that when she met Jubilee, she was very quiet and shy. She took several pictures of Jubilee at family day at AHOPE.

We have not been given any information about her family, except that both of her parents have died. We will meet any living relatives while we are in Ethiopia, but until we get there we are given very little information. In the pictures she is sitting with an older boy, maybe 20, and an older woman. There are two girls with them that look like they are similar age or maybe a bit older. My friend didn't know who they were, but pointed out that the young man looks very much like Jubilee.

There were a couple of pictures of her smiling, one with the letter that I had sent to her. In all of the pictures with her family she looks sort of pensive. It is always so difficult to interpret snapshots of people that you don't know. It did give me a knot in my stomach. I am going to pick up a little girl that has emotions, that has a past, that has some family, that has dreams of a future. I don't know what she envisioned for her future. I am excited to get to know these things, but at the same time I realize that our family may not be what she was dreaming about at all. I'm not sure what she thinks she is getting in to. I am very glad that Honeybee will be there to help. I'm sure Honeybee's perspective will be much more helpful than mine for the first few weeks. The pictures made me very sad. I can't imagine leaving a brother behind. I know we will work through all of this. It did give me things to add to my to do list. I need to make sure I get a phone number for him. I need to make a point of making sure that she keeps enough Amharic so that she can speak to him. I need to be diligent about sending pictures and letters so that her family knows that she is all right.

Even though this is my second trip to Ethiopia this year, I need to remember that it will be very different than last time. Last time I was just following a four year old that wanted to see everything. This time I will be with an older girl that will realize much more deeply what she is leaving behind. I think this trip will be much more bittersweet. It may give me a new perspective on what adoption means. That is an ever changing thing for me. It is wonderful and terrible all at the same time. I'm sure I have much more to learn, for now I will just ponder and pray for my daughter.