Tear Soup

I have been looking for books to help me understand grieving.  I have been very fortunate for most of my life, and have had little reason to get to know grief.  My very dear daughter however, has had a pretty constant dose of it.  My friend Liz had told Lisa about a book called Tear Soup, she said it was helpful for children who are grieving.  Lisa loaned me her copy, and Jubilee and I read it together.

 At first she didn't really get the analogy, but it gave us a great place to start a conversation about grieving.  It helped us both to understand that grief makes people uncomfortable. We don't like to feel bad, so we tend to avoid those that are grieving.  Bearing one another's burdens is difficult.  It means feeling someone else's loss, it means tears, it means carrying some of the weight that they are feeling.  Grief takes time.  It is not something that you get over quickly.  It may take a lifetime, not constantly, but coming and going.

I have had several close friends lose parents recently.  This book was a great reminder to me to be praying for them, and to send them cards to let them know that I am thinking of them in their time of loss.  I had always thought that cards were not that important, but one friend posted several of the kind words people sent on her facebook page, and Tear Soup also mentioned the comfort that sympathy cards bring.

They also mentioned ideas on how to deal with the feelings of grief.  Taking time to remember the good things and the bad.  Taking time to exercise.  Taking advantage of comfort foods.  Seeking out friends that will listen and understand.  Getting help from a therapist or support group.  It was very practical, and easy for a child to understand.  Now, I can ask Jubilee if she is making Tear Soup.  She can give me the eyebrow lift, or the head shake to let me know if she is in grief mode or not.  It has given us a tangible way to discuss her feelings, and to let her know that I do understand what she is going through.  It is also helpful for her to know that everyone has periods of grief in their lives.

I was given some great book recommendations on grief, and I am waiting patiently for my box from Amazon to come soon.  If I find any more treasures I will share them as well.  I would recommend Tear Soup to anyone that is adopting an older child.  It is simple enough for them to understand, but deep enough to be helpful to everyone involved.