Where's The Lifegaurd?

It's been a blustery several days around here, and not just the weather. Rick had meetings elsewhere, which left me holding down the fort. Let me tell you it isn't pretty. He came home early, bless his heart.

Jubilee is having some dark days. She is confused about her story, and honestly so am I. I think I may have our agency do an investigation and find out more about her history. I let her read through her file, so she would know what we had been told. I think it is hard for her, but makes it all real. As hard as it is, the truth has to be faced and dealt with. But for a mom, it is hard not to get pulled down in the emotions.

I find myself struggling to keep ahead of the depression as well. When Rick leaves, I plummet fast. I need some adult support, and a break. My family is just not a one person job. And of course "when momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I REALLY miss having grandparents around. My kids just need a little bit of time to hang out with someone other than mom, and I need someone that can take them for a few hours and enjoy them. Individualism really stinks. I can say it, I need other people.

My friend Lisa has been a trooper. She will take the kids when I have had it, and she will let me hang out on her couch or help her clean her kitchen just so I can talk to someone who understands. We both laughed today when I told her I felt like a bunch of kids that don't know how to swim. We are all flopping and splashing each other trying like mad to stay afloat, grabbing the person next to us when they start to go under. Where is the lifegaurd? I am hoping this is just a season, and that it is training me to be a lifegaurd someday, if I don't drown first.

Hope is starting to show up on the horizon. We had a beautiful Ethiopian woman come over and talk with the girls today. She showed us how to roast coffee in our skillet. My house smells delicious. I think it made Jubilee really homesick. I just get so broken hearted thinking about all the processing that she is doing. It is hard work, and exhausting. She was starting to perk up when I told her that her friends that have been here a while had some dark days too. Funny they didn't share that with her, they just tell her to perk up and be thankful. Hard work is good, I just have to keep reminding myself of that.