More Rules?

One of my daughters asked me why we don't have more rules.  Huh?  I asked what she meant, and she pointed out that many of her peers had rules about when they could get their ears pierced, or wear make-up, or see a certain movie, or the list goes on.  She pointed out that I usually give them some answer like, "when you're ready."  I had to think about that for a while.

I think part of my reason is that I don't like rules.  They never seem to cover the contingencies that I end up facing.  Sure I want to know exactly how long the skirt has to be to be long enough, but truly it does depend.  It seems way too easy to just make a rule.  There it is, the line in the sand.  But there is always some point at which it becomes unreasonable, then what do you do?  If you throw it out, it just opens the gates for all kinds of difficult situations.  If you stick to it, everyone sees how ridiculous it is.  If I tell my kids that they cannot have friends over after school on school nights, what do I do when one of my friends needs me to watch their children, who are my children's friends, on a school night?  Does that count?  Am I breaking the rule?  Who made this rule anyway?

Too many rules just give me too many opportunities to trip myself up.  I like guidelines, principles if you will.  Is the dress too short?  Well, are you loving your neighbor by wearing it, or are you bringing glory to yourself?  Can I get my ears pierced?  Can you remember to clean them three times a day?  Usually the principles are not about the person wanting the rule, but about the people that they live with.  The most common reply I give is, "Are you loving your neighbor?"  If you aren't sure, ask one of them.  This also gives me much more opportunity for discussion.  My biggest goal as a mom is to have kids that feel like they can talk to me.  If all I have to give them are tidy rules, there is little need to talk through situations.  If they come to me wanting to make a change in lifestyle, I want to talk to them about why before we get to how.

I have a couple of children that would just thrive on rule books.  Give them a list and they are going to plow right through it with flying colors.  Will they be gracious in it, that is hard to tell.  They sometimes get frustrated with my seemingly vague answers, but they come back with more questions.  "How long do I have to practice?"  "Until you get it right."  "How long will that take?"  "It depends on how well you understand it."  "What if I get it right the first time?"  "Do it once more to make sure it wasn't a fluke."

Ultimately I know that the only perfect rule follower was Jesus.  He fulfilled every jot and tittle of the law, and fulfilled the Spirit as well.  God gave us 10 rules.  That was it, and we failed.  If I can't keep those 10, why would adding 200 more help?  Love your neighbor.  Be kind.  Put your sister ahead of yourself.  Put your team mate ahead of yourself.  Be thankful in all things.  Keep those rules, and we won't have to worry about what radio station we are listening to or how much eye liner is too much.  All of those little things don't matter in the grand scheme of things.  If my kids can ask me why they can or can't do something, the last thing I want to give them is a rule.  I want to give them something to think about, with a big dose of love.