What to Do?

I had a very interesting chat with Martha the other day about the pros and cons of international adoption.  We had watched a documentary about boys in Africa that are addicted to sniffing glue.  She asked me if those boys had been adopted.  I told her that they probably had not, because many African countries do not allow international adoption.  They may have been adopted by families in their country.  She became very concerned and asked why countries would not let foreigners adopt children.  She knows all too well, how vulnerable children are on the street.  She has told me stories of rescuing babies from the river, who had been thrown in by desperate mothers.  She wanted to know if the governments cared that these children would die.  I explained to her, that it is very hard for countries to agree to let other countries adopt their children.  It means that things have gotten very hard in that country, and that they are giving up their children, who represent their future.  She was still convinced that it was better for the children to leave, than to die on the street.  I know it is just not that simple.

We have had the good fortune to meet many Ethiopian families in our community.  It is amazing to me how they can pick their people out of a crowd.  One family sells us injera from time to time which is a wonderful treat.  They invited us to a Bible study at their home on Sunday.  I was thrilled, but Martha wasn't.  She is still very anxious about any new situation.  She had been trying to talk me out of making her go for most of the week.  In the midst of our discussion about international adoption I pointed out to her that it is very helpful for Ethiopian families to see adopted children take an interest in their home country.  I told her one of the concerns that the governments have is that the children will become part of their new country and not care about the country they are from.  The Ethiopian families that I have met are very concerned that our children keep their native language.  They also frequently ask how we are giving back to Ethiopia.  I pointed this out to Martha, and told her that it makes a difference to them to be able to spend time with her.  I think this made sense to her, at least I could tell that she had to stop and think about it.

I have seen her attitude change over time.  She hasn't been in America for a year yet, but she definitely feels the pull of being bi-cultural.  It really weighs on her sometimes.  I want her to be able to interact with other families that live with this tension.  I want her to know that she can be both.  It will not be the same as when she lived in Ethiopia, but she is still Ethiopian.  I encourage her to speak Amharic as much as she can.  We have had people bring CD's of music back for her.  I encourage her to cook Ethiopian food, and take advantage of every opportunity to eat at Ethiopian restaurants.  It is something that she is going to have to make some effort to retain, and that is something I cannot do for her.  I am praying that she can go back to Ethiopia with some volunteers in a year or two.  We have talked to them about planning a trip.  Madison wants very much to go as well.  Having this to look forward to, and to prepare for has encouraged her to be thinking about what she wants to give back to her friends in Ethiopia.

I had thought about these issues a lot when we were in the process of adopting.  I just couldn't anticipate how my children would feel about it.  Nes is too young to remember clearly what Ethiopia was like.  He stopped speaking Amharic as soon as we got to the airport.  Martha had many people telling her that she needs to keep her language, and not to forget her people.  She told me that everyone had asked her to send them money.  She definitely feels the weight of being in a position of having something to give back.  I think it is a burden to her, as it is to all of us.  How do we, who have so much, return the blessings to those who sacrificed for us to have these children.  The very least I can do is help my children remember what Ethiopia is like.  I can provide opportunities for them to interact with other Ethiopian people.  If I can provide for them to go back and visit their family and friends, and to serve in Ethiopia in any way that would help as well.  I can't wait to see how God will use these children to bless the people that allowed them to come to us.  They are a special treasure, and it hard not to feel guilty for having them here.