Letting Love Cover It: Confession

I've been hesitant to blog lately. I haven't had much to say on facebook, and twitter is silent (okay, twitter is beyond me still, but I will figure it out eventually). The deal is that every sermon, every book, everyone I talk to is beating me over the head with the fact that I need to be thankful. I know it is true, but I am trying to crawl under the covers of grumpiness and ride out this late winter season. I know I am grumpy, so I am avoiding everyone, instead of repenting of my grumpiness and really being thankful. There I said it.

A friend wrote a really great blog post about waiting. (Her blog is called Autumn Song and there is a link on my sidebar. I'd just add the link except ,that I am reading this great book about the Internet and how it affects our brain, so I am avoiding this distraction for you. You can thank me later.) One of the phrases that she catches herself saying is, "things would be so much better if..." I have found that to be a very helpful catch phrase. When I find myself going down that road, I can remind myself to stop and look to God. He is there. He is holding me in this season. I have something to learn about Him and the way that He provides. I want the thing that He is going to give me. I have let me gaze fall to the gift instead of thanking the giver. Instead of working up my plastic smile and saying that I am thankful for the snowdrifts, and frigid cold through gritted teeth, I need to honestly say that I am thankful for the opportunity to trust God. I am thankful for this season of slowing down and staying inside with my children. I am thankful that God is here, and that He continues to provide everything we need each day. I am thankful for all of the wise people around me that are not letting me get away with being grumpy.

The grumpiness is highly contagious. My kids keep picking it up from me, and spreading it around to each other as well. It is a vicious cycle, and I need to get over it now. Martha seems to be the most susceptible, and I need to be extra careful around her. She imitates me in attitude, in tone of voice, in facial expression, in almost everything. It is a little bit daunting. When your toddlers imitate you, it can be kind of funny. I know that they will work the imitation into their own personality. With Martha it is so stark I find it disconcerting. I really have to watch how I speak to Rick, and to the other kids. She is amazingly perceptive. She can spot my fake thankfulness, and make me see just how cheesy it is looking. I need to settle myself in the Lord. I need to find my true rest in Him, so that everyone else can follow me into a restful, thankful late winter.

I think I will go hunt for some beautiful things to remind me of God's goodness. They can be my visual cues to look to the Lord and thank Him for the spring to come, and the seasons of waiting that are always close to us. Blessings to you this blustery end of February!