Underqualified

During our dinner conversation last night, we discussed people sensory issues, and how they affect people.  Someone suggested that people with sensory issues would likely gravitate towards careers that would not aggravate their conditions.  Not me, it took me nine children, one husband, one dog, one cat, one house with an open floor plan to figure out that I have issues with noise.  I'm sure there were signs earlier, but it is abundantly clear now.

There have been several things that have come up lately that make me wonder how I got myself into this fine mess I am in.  I really do not like to be the person in charge.  I like to have a clear set of instructions, and clear dead lines.  I like things to be uncluttered, and orderly.  I like quiet.  I need more sleep than most people.  I prefer to get to bed early and get up early.  I am easily distracted.  This seems like an odd set of qualities for a "stay at home mom" of a large family.  There are times when I wonder what exactly God is doing with my life.  He has quite a sense of humor, and can use the most unlikely of people for His purposes.  I guess The King's Speech is further evidence of that.

This makes it quite challenging when I am trying to figure out what gifts my children have.  I try to think about who they are, and what strengths and weaknesses they each have.  I want to be able to give them good advice as they grow up and start thinking about what they want to do with their lives.  I have to keep in mind that what might look good on paper, may not be at all what God has for them.  If I had followed what all of my career tests said I would be in the military, or digging ditches somewhere.  Who knows, I may have been a really great ditch digger.  Sometimes what we are truly called to, is something completely unexpected.  I, for example, was not going to have children, and I hated to cook when I was in high school.

I would probably tell myself not to have so many children so close together if I had it to do over again.  I love each and every one of my children.  They are wonderful people, and I wouldn't give any of them back, but when I have all of them together it can be a bit overwhelming.  Maybe I wouldn't be any better at parenting if I had spread them out over a few more years.  I find myself wishing I had more time to spend with them individually.  The upside is that they all get along very well, and they enjoy doing things together.  We are an ongoing party from breakfast to evening prayers.  The older I get the more I realize that they have way more energy than I do, and that is only going to get worse as time goes on.  They get away with a lot more now then the oldest ones did when they were little, which is not all bad.  I think I have gained a little bit of wisdom over the years, so I can usually outsmart them.

Why God would trust such an underqualified person, with the lives of so many precious people, I still don't understand.  He must know that I need an extra dose of Him to make it through each day.  I know that what I say to my kids, and how I serve them makes a huge difference in their lives.  If I do my job well, the rest of their lives, and their children's lives will be effected.  That is a staggering thought.  And still I get up every morning and know that I don't have what it takes to keep this family clipping along.  I thank God for each morning.  I thank Him for my cup of coffee, for His Word, for the sweet little people that cuddle up next to me (not the dog so much).  I ask God to grant me grace to make it through one more day.  I ask Him to help me remember how hard these days are, so that I don't get lazy as a grand-parent.  My kids are still going to need me, when they are grown and building families of their own.  I have the greatest job in the world, even though I don't deserve it.