Tired

There is something very satisfying about going to bed exhausted each night.  I can honestly say I worked hard all day, and did as much as I could do.  I don't have everything all wrapped up and tidy and ready to go for tomorrow.  I do have the coffee pot set, and my Bible waiting on the table for me.  There are a few dirty dishes in the sink from the late night ice cream stealers.  There are random items around that need to be picked up.  Most of the kids are in bed, but not all.  But for tonight it is finished, and it is good.

There have been many days when I have wondered if what I am doing is valuable.  I have given up my dreams of becoming accomplished at any particular thing.  Now I dream of seeing my children become accomplished at things.  They already swim better than I do, even the five year olds.  They sing better than I do.  Many of them have read more than I have.  They know more poetry than I do.  They have passed me up, and they are still in elementary school.  I am seeing their hard work paying off, and it is pure joy.

I am seeing now what a difference it makes when you have a solid foundation of love in your life.  I have seen children that have been loved since birth, and I have seen children that have had serious trauma in their lives.  Some children I have seen suffer serious trauma, but the love of their families have helped it to heal in miraculous ways.  I know that all of my days of changing diapers, and rocking babies was not a waste.  It has made a difference in my children.  I know that they have a solid foundation to build on.  My time is not wasted, even if it not spent the way I had dreamed it would be when I was young and dreamy.

I posted a quote once that said, "I want to be used up when I die."  I'm pretty sure I will be.  Some days I feel like I am already used up.  It is a good feeling, and when God calls me home, I will have no regrets.  I will be ready for that eternal rest.  For tonight however, I am ready for a few hours of uninterrupted rest.  It is likely that some little person will come to me in the night with tales of a bad dream, or a stuffy nose, or just wanting to snuggle.  The next days work will be on its way.  But for today the work was very good.