Just in Case I forget, and I Probably Will

I've been a bit stumped on what to write about lately.  There are so many thoughts and so little time.  I'm trying to make my rule of thumb: Would I want my kids to read this when I am gone?  That said there are a few parenting blunders I would like to admit to my kids, things that I did to them and I would advise that they not follow in my footsteps.

Listen to your kids.  I know it is painful at times.  Yes, they repeat themselves, often and for way too long, but once they get rolling they can say some pretty amazing things.  They have a perspective that we grown ups need to remember.  Let yourself really feel the wonder they have for the world.  If they say something really crazy, ask questions.  Sometimes they are trying to tell you something really important and they just don't have the words.  It is worth the effort to let them share what's in their heart with you.  Nes will ask us the deepest questions, and have the most profound insights.  I am thankful for his mind and his willingness to really try to communicate with a dense old lady like me.  Lord willing when I am an older lady, I will be able to listen to your kids.  I will have lots of time someday.

Hold your kids more, clean less.  The window of time that they really want you to hold them is really pretty small.  For some kids it is very small, so snuggle them often.  They can't write their name in sharpie on the wall if you are holding them and just enjoying how warm and sweet they are.  They will be using sharpies far longer than they will be willing to sit on your lap so take advantage of years of being able to sit with them.  I let you all sit in the neglect-o-matic way too much.  If I could have those hours back I would snuggle you and let the laundry wait.  Believe me the laundry will always be there.

Don't make your young children sit at the table for hours over uneaten food.  We gave you the "starving kids in Africa" speech, then we gave the starving kids in Africa the starving kids in Africa speech and realized how totally ridiculous it was.  Now that I know how much you all eat as teenagers I would have fed you mac'n cheese and put the extra money in savings for ten years.  I lost so many hours, and so much joy over meals that I should have just kept simple and let go.  I would encourage you to try lots of flavors and enjoy the things you love.  Let your kids eat what you eat, and if they only want a tablespoon full, don't sweat it.  There will be more for you, and Teddy grahams are a lot more nutritious than you think.

Let your kids know how much you delight in them.  Don't focus on what they do or do not do, just enjoy them.  They are all different.  They are all wonderful gifts.  Let them know often that you treasure them and are pleased that they are gifts God has let you have.  It is so easy to think that you can just make them a little bit better by pointing out this fault or that, but over time I think they need to know they are glorious just because they are.  There are plenty of people to point out all of their flaws, especially if you have more than one ;)

Help them to understand their sense of humor.  We Schus specialize in sarcasm.  While this is funny it is not the best kind of funny.  A sense of humor is your ability to laugh at yourself, not your sister.  It will serve you well if you can not take yourself too seriously and learn to laugh at yourself.  Mads, that is why I tried to get you to laugh when that poor waiter dropped salsa down your back.  Sure, it wasn't fun for you, but he felt terrible, and if it would have Brook you would have thought it was hilarious.  We make fun of each other because we know that we are deeply loved.  Just remember that as we add folks to the extended family, we need to let them wade in from the shallow end.  I know, I'm the one that needs the most work here.

Be thankful.  In all things give thanks.  When your tire is flat and dad isn't answering the phone, give thanks.  When your sister "borrows" your sweater without asking, give thanks.  When your sister makes you dinner, give thanks.  When you get your own room, give thanks.  When you have to share your room with three other boys, give thanks.  When mom forgets you at school, give thanks.  When your sister posts that unattractive picture of you on Facebook, give thanks.  When you get money from grandma, give thanks.  For every single one of you and every hour of sleep I have lost over you, I am thankful.  You are the greatest gifts God has given me.  I am eternally grateful that he chose to give me a good, abundant life, and I am so excited to see where you all take it from here.