Random Thoughts on God and Parenting

There was a time in my life when I thought I needed to have all my theology in order.  I needed to be able to "defend my faith" and answer every question with the right answer.  Then I got swamped in diapers, and discipline, and first foods and decided that I didn't care about theology.  I just needed to make more cookies.  Now as I look back, because looking forward is still too fuzzy, so I will get back to this in a few years with yet another vantage point, I see that God has walked with me the whole time.  He is always bigger than whatever box I try to fit Him in.  Today I just stand in awe and thank Him for not being any of the lame things I tried to make Him, and for not letting me be any of the lame things I've tried to make myself.

I love to study my Bible.  I love to read books about God, and theology, and church, and living the Christian life.  I know that there are glimpses of who God is in all of that, but they can't possibly contain Him.  I love to follow people from around the world on instagram and see the astounding diversity that God has created in this world and thank Him for all of it, but even that is so minuscule in showing us His wonder.  I will, for the rest of my life, be trying to get to know God more.  There will always be more to know.  Thanks be to God!

I was reading about a professor that gave his students a personality test and asked them to fill it out for God.  Then he gave them a similar test and asked them to fill it out for themselves.  Apparently people tend to think God is similar to themselves.  I know this is one of those classes that would have made me roll my eyes and grumble.  God is a Spirit people!  He doesn't have a personality.  He is all of it, perfectly communing in love.  We are too tiny to not be crushed by the magnitude of His personality.  He has to split it up and parcel it out to each one of us to reflect it back to Him.  And even then, we only get a glimpse.  I know this is completely arrogant, even talking about glimpsing God doesn't do Him justice.  I just stare at the clouds and am wowed.

He is my joy and my glory.  Sometimes I forget that and think my kids are my joy and my glory.  I see how dangerous that road is, and I am trying my best to stay off of it.  When my kids disappoint me, or their lives hit the hard spots, I do not want to question God's goodness.  I know He is good.  He has already dished up some crushing situations in their lives, and He walked us through it.  I know there are times where it looks like I am too trusting with my kids.  I know.  I know that they are His kids.  He let me lead them down the road for a while, but the road was always His.  He snatched me out of a dark and creepy place.  I wan't looking for Him, but He was always watching me.   I know that my kids will fail.  That is where they will meet God and know He is always watching them.  If they always look to me, I will fail them.  I already have, big time.  They need to know there is someone, much bigger than me who has their back.  I have to look to Him always in all things and know that in Him I cannot ultimately fail.  If I forget that, then it is all a failure anyway.  Most importantly I want God to be my children's joy and glory.  I can't give that to them.  I can only point the way and pray for God to give them eyes to see.

I have had lot of conversations with lots of moms over the years.  A common theme is keeping our kids from evil.  Not in those words of course.  Especially as our kids hit the dreaded teenage years.  I come from a long line of rather hands off parents.  I also have been given more children than I can keep eyes on at all times.  I could easily let this consume me.  I could have internet filters on every device (and I do have some), I could have apps that let me read all of their texts (this thought makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and suck my thumb), I could have a 9:30 curfew (which is my favorite bed time), I could have a list of rules a mile long nailed to the door and recited each morning during breakfast, but all of that would cause me to lose what little is left of my mind.  I may be crazy, and you wouldn't be the first to think so, but I pray.   I pray often.  I take all my concerns to God and ask Him which ones really require me to follow up.  I ask my kids a lot of questions (they love this!). I get to know their friends.  I have decided that I want to pursue healthy relationships with my people instead of volumes of rules.  I have had many times where "common sense" was not to be trusted.  My common sense is not the same as my teenage son's common sense.  Then I remember how far sense has come in my life in the last 30 years and I sit down and have another chat with the boys.  At the end of the day, I can say without reserve, that the teenage years in this household have been the best (so far).  I love my children and my friends who have teenagers and my parents (thank you for not killing me when I was a teenager).  We cannot keep our kids from evil, we live in a real world.  What we can do is give them tools to battle evil in their own hearts.  I think that is what God requires of us, and the rest is truly up to Him.