Thursday, July 17, 2014

Those Teen Years


I am the first to admit that I am not a huge baby person.  I love babies, I just don't yearn for that stage the way some women do.  The toddler years were full of cuteness and snuggles, but they were tough for me as well.  Now that I have more teens than any other demographic in the group I have to say that these are the best years (so far).

This is not to discount my dad's wise saying that there are "Little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems."  When there are problems you don't get to send them to bed early or spank them and be done with it.  Sometimes the consequences are out of our hands.  The offense brings consequences of its own that are outside of our influence.  Often the problems hit our pride much harder than we like.  Our child makes a bad choice and now everyone gets to see what they did.  We all know that people are saying, "what kind of parents do they have?"  We know that because we say that.  This should remind us to extend a bit more grace in this area, especially if our children are all under six, or are perfectly imagined in our minds (along with the perfect imaginary spouse).  But even our big problems are opportunities to grow.  In fact they are often our best opportunities to grow.  Someone recently asked about times in my life when I felt the presence of Christ.  The quickest answers I found were on the darkest days when I felt like I failed beyond redemption.  The good news is that is when Christ puts his arm around us and reminds us that we are not alone, and that He has redeemed it all.

What I am loving about the teen years the most is the thrill of seeing them fly.  Sometimes it is literally flying off rocks into beautiful lakes, and sometimes it is taking on new jobs and nailing it.  There is that tight feeling in your chest knowing that the failures will come too, but the successes are amazing.  Getting emails about good days at work.  Seeing pictures of mountains hiked, waves surfed, races won, grades finished, songs mastered, friends made, it is the fruit of all those sleepless nights and feeding frenzies.  There are still plenty of feeding frenzies, but the conversations have improved dramatically (most of the time).  I have a house full of friends.  I have helpers in the kitchen.  I have people to share books with.  I have interior decorators and painters.  I have people to ride bike with.  I have people that know me intimately, who challenge me to walk closer with God every day.

As the mom of teens I have to be watchful over the joy killers: expectations, pride, and the biggie, fear.  For the last few months God has been spending a lot of time slipping me the message that He is with me, and He is with my children.  It has come up in sermons, blog posts, Bible studies, prayers, conversations, songs, everything short of sky writing (which wouldn't surprise me in the least).  Yes, I realize this means that I am not the quickest kid in the race, and God is abundantly creative in the ways He can use to get through to someone as slow as I am.  I will be the first to admit that any greatness they have is in no way a result of my amazing parenting skills.  It came to my attention recently that they remember VERY little that happened to them before the age of 7 or so.  That means that all of the little talks I with them in the car and before any discipline were really more for my sake than for theirs.  I know that it is like spelling rules, they did learn something.  They just forgot that there were rules once they mastered the art of spelling existentialism (which I am sure none of them can actually spell without spell check).  I followed God as faithfully as I could muster as they were growing up.  I failed in so many areas that it brings tears to my eyes if I dwell on it too long, but God covered it with years of love.  I am not trusting in my ability to nurture and admonish them in the way they should go, I am trusting in His deep love that covers a multitude of sins.  If I can live right there we will all be thankful.

Their biggest danger in life is probably being my children.  I will be the first to admit that the worst things that have happened in their lives happened in my house with me home.  I am not the protection they need, He is. He is the author and finisher of their faith as well as mine.  When I was a teen I did not know God.  I didn't worship Him on the sabbath.  I didn't pray to him when I was in trouble, or thankful, or worried, or scared.  I was lost.  Even in my lost state I can look back now and see that He was always there.  This is His world, and He watches over His children even when they don't realize they have that protection.  Because of this I can watch my children and trust that God is watching them with perfect love and care.   When I can get myself out of the way, my pride in being a great mom, or godly woman, or living the right kind of life, my expectations that they will be great students or athletes or just plain good people, my fear that they will fail in some way that they can't be saved from, then I have perfect peace knowing they are His.

My teens remind me daily that true freedom is in Christ.  We talk about things that they are afraid of, and I remind them that Christ is with them wherever they are going this fall.  When they start business ventures, it is Christ that will see it succeed or fail, but even in the failure there are lessons to be learned.  There will be new people coming into our family (someday, don't read anything into this), that will cause us to grow and seek Christ in new ways.  Those relationships will bring their own joys and challenges but they are what we have been working towards for all of these years.  I love the excitement of all the changes looming large in the next few years.  I love watching them become more and more.  I am thankful that I did not grow weary in the days of potty training, and little problems and give up on this grand adventure.  Hug your teens while they are in your house eating everything in sight.  They are an awesome testimony to the goodness of God and His creativity in living life.


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