Panic Plunge

This week has had some high points and some low points.  Sometimes the drop feels like a ride on Panic Plunge and I'm not sure who grabbed the switch on me.  One morning I was feeling pretty good about the state of affairs in the Schumaker household.  Things are not perfect, but I could live with the current mess.  I think I only had one child home at the time and she must have been reading quietly in her room, or sleeping, but anyway she wasn't hassling me.  Then the happy, hungry hoard came home from school and we commenced homework.  I think that was the switch.  I have a couple of kids that really don't shine in the academic world.  They do shine in other places, but you don't want them to write you an essay about it.  I thought I was pretty well centered for the day, but I drifted out into the land of mental talk that goes something like this: "My kids will never graduate from high school."  "They will be working at McDonald's for the rest of their lives."  "They may never move out of my house."  "How am I going to feed them all."  Some real cream of the crop faith in God talk.  And of course my countenance fell, which they of course noticed.  I gave them a few snippy lectures on the dimness of the future (very motivational), and went to bed grumpy.

The next morning I was confronted by God's Word and a glorious sunrise.  I pondered what I was reading and how I had acted the previous day.  It took a few hours, but it dawned on me that, "so what?"  So what if my kids don't graduate from high school?  So what if they live in my basement for the rest of their lives?  Is this what is important to God?  If it is He doesn't mention it in the Bible.  Jesus was described as uneducated, which is kind of comical if you think about it.  Jesus, the son of God didn't graduate from our accredited school system, what a loser.  We could have really taught Him a thing or two.  What do I really want for my kids?

I really want them to love God.  I know some very educated people that hate God, is that what I want for my kids?  I also know some very uneducated people that love God.  Which one would I want my kids to imitate?  During my lecture on how you are ruining your life, I asked one of my kids what they wanted to do when they graduate.  "Work in an orphanage."  That did bring me up short.  I have met some orphanage workers that I am fairly certain do not have graduate degrees.  If that is the desire of her heart, maybe I need to spend more time fostering her love of children and less time quizzing her on science terms.  Perhaps my heart is too concerned about academic success and I need to ramp it down.  I started to think about what my kids love.  None of us are into reading the great philosophers and debating.  We are pretty simple folks.  We love to plant seeds and feed pigs.  We like to read good stories and eat things we shot ourselves (actually the Handels shot them, and thank you!)  Several of the kids really do want to go overseas and care for orphans and preach Jesus.  That makes my heart very glad.

I talked to the kids yesterday and asked them to forgive my bad attitude.  I told them that they need to work at their studies, but if it takes them longer than the average American student it is okay with me.  If we don't get high school diplomas, life will go on.  I want them to be able to read, which they are able to do.  I want them to continue to learn for the rest of their lives, and not think they know it all already.  I told them they could live with me as long as they want to, but they have to learn to cook better and clean up my messes too.  I'm pretty sure I will be annoying enough that they will get motivated to leave at some point.  Except Helen, who I am convincing needs to take care of me when I'm old, which will be before she graduates.  I had a lot more peace about where we are at after I realized that God's standards are sometimes a lot lower than mine.  I had one child leave this morning struggling to wrap her mind around earth science.  If only I could get her to understand that really knowing a little is far better than memorizing and forgetting a lot.  She has had so many challenges and the pressure of high school is a bummer.  This is a success driven culture and shaking off the demands takes a lot of courage.  That is where faith comes in.  Today I am praying for grace, and faith that God will provide all that we need and we will believe that it is enough.