Some very imperfect thoughts on race

Issues of race relations have come up frequently at the Schumaker house lately.  I have two girls living in Mississippi, who are on a track team in which they are the minority.  My son chose a piece for his school's speech meet that was an excerpt from a book about two boys, one white and one black, who become friends by playing basketball together.  I had some friends over for the weekend, who started counting black people the minute we stepped into the mall.  All of our black friends start counting up the number of black people at the mall.  It has never been more than 10 and that usually includes at least two that we brought with us.

My perspective is obviously from a white person in a predominately white part of the world.  I understand that I have had the benefit of years of being in the power position and that I have not even noticed it most of the time.  I don't count up the numbers of racial minorities while shopping as a rule.  It makes me very uncomfortable to talk about race relations, mostly because I know that I'm in the class that has been the oppressors most of the time.  I know that I am oblivious to the struggle that others deal with every single day.  I know that it isn't fair, and ultimately I'm in the class that God is going to hold accountable for all the times we ignored the struggles of those around us, because we assumed they had all the same experiences we have.  I admit my own lack of awareness, even when I think I am paying attention.

One thing that really brought me up short is when my nine year old son told me that it makes him really angry when we read about how minorities have been treated in Europe and the United States throughout our history.  I told him that it made me angry too, and it does, but my anger will not be viewed the same way his will.  I will not be seen as a threat in my anger, he will.  That scares me and makes me feel very sad.  How many young black men are righteously angry about the way they and their ancestors have been treated only to be met with the same fear that has kept them captive for generations?  They have every reason to be angry.  What is my response?  Does my response even matter?  These are questions I don't even know the answer to.  What do I tell my son?  I really can't relate to the position that he is in.  I can empathize, but is that powerful enough to change anything?  I feel a little hypocritical to tell him that anger doesn't help, but that being the best person God made you to be will.  If I had grown up black in this hometown and dealt with the attitudes he has deal with then I might have the clout to give him some really good advice, but my advice is very hypothetical.  I know that people will treat him differently when I am around than when I am not.  That makes me angry and it makes me feel powerless.

My daughters were talking about their weekend plans, and I burst in with warning them that they probably shouldn't go certain places with their friends.  Even as I said it I realized how hypocritical it was.  They had taken these same friends with them to meet their friends for the weekend, and those moms probably weren't very excited about those plans either.  I realized that I have to let my girls be willing to be in tough situations to know how it feels to be in the minority and to have to deal with anger that isn't necessarily at you, but is still causing the problem.  These kids have to test their friendships and realize that being from different racial backgrounds will bring tension in certain situations.  We have kids that deal with it every single day living in our house.  I can't let fear cause me to tell my kids they can't spend time with their friends on their friend's turf.  They may face some ugliness, but that is the reality of life.  I know this may make some people cringe, but I think that being overprotective in this situation only perpetuates the problem.  Part of growing up is facing down ugliness wherever it meets you.  I know that God is with them and He has been dealing with ugliness for a lot longer than I have.

My son chose his speech meet piece from a book that I had not read, but that his sister recommended to him.  When he brought it home from school it had been edited.  I hadn't read it, so I asked him why.  He told me that the parts about the white kids had been cut out.  I sat down and read it and wondered if this was appropriate.  (*As a side note, we asked why that section had been cut out.  The piece was on the long side for the assignment.  They did allow him to read the whole piece.)  I read it to all of my kids and asked them how they felt about it.  Most of them were okay with it, but Martha wasn't.  It made her angry.  Of course I don't want to be provocative to people of other races at school.  I am grateful for the diversity that our school has and for the variety of nationalities that I regularly have around my table.  I don't want to be poking my finger in people's eyes just to make a point.  My question was, "is it right to just cross out some realities in our history?"  The inequalities in our country are real.  To just not talk about them seems like we, as white people, are trying to just overlook things that really are happening.  Are we really trying not to make someone else angry, or are we trying to cover up our own sin?  Do we even realize what we are doing?  Does talking about it help?  How do we move beyond talking about it and do something about it?

I hope this post doesn't anger people.  I don't want to be poking people in places that are tender.  What I want is to be able to hang out with my friends of deeper pigment and not feel like I am always saying something offensive.  I know that my general way of life presupposes things that theirs doesn't, which is fundamentally unfair and to my advantage.  I am aware that I need to be humble with folks from other backgrounds and be willing to be uncomfortable myself.  I have to be willing to speak up when I hear ignorant statements being made about people based on their background.  I need to be willing to identify with them when I am given the opportunity.  I need to learn to laugh at myself and my ignorance when others point it out and seek forgiveness when I give offense.  I need to remind my children that they are all equal here in our house.  We don't discriminate by color, or gender, or gpa.  We need to have each other's back and stand by our friends even if it means we get a bloody nose, or worse.  We need to remember that in God's economy the first will be last and the last will be first.  When I let myself marinate in that concept it scares me.  Taking the long view, means rethinking who is in the power  position, and who God favors.  I don't have any answers, I just have a lot of imperfect thoughts.  I think we are a long way from Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream, but I am hopeful that we are closer today than we were even then.  My kids give me hope for that.  They don't seem to factor skin color into much of their thinking, which may get them into some tight spots, but with good hearts.  This is one of those things I wish I could make right, but I hope in things unseen to work out to overthrow that which we see.