Friday, October 24, 2014

Kids

I have known intellectually for some time that how my children "turn out" has a lot less to do with my parenting skills and a lot more to do with the way God made them than I would like to believe. (Unless it is the disciplined kid that everyone likes, I nailed that one!)  I can see that the tendencies they had as toddlers are pretty much still their tendencies as adults, they have just learned some skills to make them functional in society.  I had a mom ask me one time how much time I spent doing homework with one of my kids, who is just naturally very bright.  It took me a minute to understand her question, because I wasn't particularly bright at the moment, and then I responded that she did all that at school.    Some of my kids have always brought a lot of work home from school and some don't bring any, and neither of those situations had anything to do with good students vs. bad students.  I have kids who get good grades through hours of hard work, and kids who get good grades while getting all their work done at school, and kids that do hours of hard work and get mediocre grades, and the ones I help are not the ones that get great grades.  I have been blessed with a larger sampling size than many parents, so I can say from experience that every kid is different, and parenting each of them is a challenge.  Sometimes I think parents take way too much credit for their amazing kids.

I have one child that blows my socks off over and over.  He is the sweetest, most tender  hearted, athletic, gentle, diligent, and kind person I have ever met.  He was born in Africa to a very poor mother who was HIV+.  He doesn't know who his dad is, his mother never talked about him.  He was raised by Catholic nuns in an orphanage in Addis Abbaba until he was almost four.  Not the most auspicious start in life, but this kid is the one I wish I could take credit for.  He is the only one in my house that would share his chocolate if he was the one that was given two when everyone else got one.  You wouldn't have to prompt him, or point it out, he would do it automatically.

Today I was editing his paper for third grade and it made me cry.  He was writing about the four people he would really like to meet.  He wants to meet Jesus, George Washington, Marshawn Lynch, and his Ethiopia dad.  He wants to meet these men, and worship with them.  What?  Who is this kid?  I promise you folks any goodness in him has nothing to do with me.  He blesses me more and more everyday.  He loves his heritage and is looking forward to Africa night coming up at UofI.  He aches for his father that he has never met.  He wants to know why he left him and he wants to know if he looks like him.  I think he looks like his mom, but that doesn't help him.  I had no idea he is a Marshawn Lynch fan, but he recognized that he is fast and strong, and followed his dreams.  I pray that God fulfills Nes's dream of being a missionary to Africa with his big brother Karsten.  I know God has big plans for these two.  I'm lucky to be their mom.

Some of my kids are more challenging.  They have their own special gifts, but sometimes you have to really look for them.  It can be really hard in a big family not to compare yourself or your kids to their siblings.  I keep trying to remind the ones that God has given very obvious talents not to take too much credit for those, as they are gifts.  They need to share them with their siblings and friends, not flaunt them.  Sometimes our gifts aren't obvious to everyone else, and it is easy to think they are less important.  It is important for me to recognize those and encourage my kids to be thankful for what they have been given.  Some kids have incredible gifts that they don't use.  Madie gets so mad at Bronwyn because she is naturally faster than she is, but it takes Bronwyn the whole season to beat Madie because she doesn't work at it until she has to.  Madie's hard work is paying off now that she is at college and I am very glad to see her keeping focused and seeing results.

All of my kids are going to grow up and fly whether I am paying attention or not.  Some of them are destined for great things in spite of my lameness.  Others will need encouragement often, always, and I am glad to give it.  Mostly I am thankful to have had the opportunity to watch them grow.  They are a lot of fun and they challenge me to grow as well.  They are the fruit of much of my labor even if the kind of fruit is all determined by their father in Heaven.  They keep me humble and delighted all at the same time.  It's safe to say I am not nailing this parenting thing, but God is kind and He loves His kids and has good things for them.  I can't wait to be the grandparent that gets to spoil their kids and send them back home.  That will be the real reward.

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