Don't Fix!

I have a terrible habit of knowing what everyone else should do, and letting them know it.  If you're reading this you aren't surprised, because I am sure I have done it to you.  I have years of experience, and I have read a lot, and I'm just pretty smart that way.  You should appreciate my very efficient and helpful advice which is saving you from years of time wasted on bad ideas.  I can't quite figure out my own stuff, because I'm too close, and you don't get it, because you aren't me.  Welcome to crazy land.  How's it working for me?  Not well.

I may have to tattoo "Don't fix!" on the back of my hand so that I keep from living in crazy land.  Right underneath that should be, "You can't make them stop doing what you do in front of them every day."  Yep, I always know the right answer, I just don't do it, because...well, it's no fun.  Usually the right thing to do requires giving up what I want to do, or not eating something I want to eat, or running, or listening to someone when I want to take a nap, or ya, laying down my pleasures for someone else.  Love God, love my neighbor ends up looking like telling my neighbor to lay down their life for someone else.  High five me, on to that nap.

Real life should look like me, not looking at me so much.  I have plenty of people who would love to have my full attention for even a few minutes a day.  Why did God give me so many children?  I'm pretty sure part of it was so that my desire to be really impressive for God would be laughingly unimpressive and He could show His glory in my undeniable weakness.  There is no way to look hip, slick and cool with 9 children in tow.  Especially if they have Instagram and Snapchat and are more than happy to tell you what a nuthouse they live in.  The other reason was so that I would have no reason to ask, "who is my neighbor?"  Love that person who is standing in front of you saying, "mom, mom, mom."  If that isn't enough, they will bring over their friends.  I guess I need the practice of loving the people in front of me well.  And I will tell you, that I don't.  I keep trying to fix them too.  I know what they are good at, what their inclinations are, what situations they thrive in, I could be an awesome career counselor, dating guru, teacher, if they would only listen to and do what I tell them.  Shockingly, they snort at my awesome advice, and choose their own way.  They make their own decisions!  Yep, half of them are grown up.  Now where do I look?

On my healthier days, I look up.  I get down on my knees and thank God, he knew much better than I did what I needed.  If I could go back I would do a lot of things differently, and I don't get to.  I needed to learn a lot of lessons the hard way.  I had to lose some friends to realize how important good friendships are.  I had to create a lot of chaos in my life before I was willing to follow God's way.  I did take some good advice and I am very thankful for the rare occasion when I just trusted and didn't try the stupid thing.  I know God's hand was in that too.  As an older, and hopefully getting wiser woman, I am learning that listening is an important skill.  Assuming I know nothing and just waiting things out, can bring profound results.  God takes more time to work things through than I am generally comfortable with.  Trusting in God's ability to tell a great story, even if I don't get to see it all resolved is a faith building concept.  I like the half hour sitcom approach, but God is much more of an epic novel guy.  Remembering that I am small, and I see so little of the world around me is a good thing to keep in the front of my mind.  My fix, is quite possibly a recipe for disaster.  Listen, remember God, help others to see outside of themselves, assure others that I am for them whatever comes in our path.  It is hard to walk the path that is unknown.  Abraham did, which is why he is our father.  I've read the story.  I need to live it.