I hate budgeting. That is probably a terrible attitude coming from the mother of 9, but it is true. I have many, many, many times written out a budget for my finances. It almost always makes me go into a several day depression/moody beyond all reason season which makes it wholly not worth it. My experience has been that God always provides. If I write out my budget, it makes no sense and any reasonable person would conclude that we are headed for bankruptcy at any moment. Somehow we always have enough. No matter what our budget has been, or how many people we have budgeted for. Our needs are met in strange and wonderful ways which have been monuments of my faith since I gave my life to Christ. It looks crazy on paper and Dave Ramsey would have a cow, but it works for me so I'm going with it. That being true, I am learning that awareness of limits and bad habits is a very healthy thing.
I started going to the gym sometime in November. I don't exactly know why the sudden push, but Rick and I harassed my friend Keely until she agreed to go with me (I think she is thankful for this, but maybe not). Two things I know about me and working out: 1. I need someone there to make me feel obligated to go. 2. Once I establish a routine I will love it. I made it through the holiday season and established enough of a routine that I was starting to feel the love. I decided that I should probably start keeping a food journal to see where my eating was out of whack. I stumbled on an app called Lose it. I wasn't necessarily trying to lose weight. I tend to be a scale scoffer, just feel good in your body, skip the scale, it's a hater. But when I put in my profile information and it said I needed to lose 16 pounds I was shocked. Then I had a flash back to the moment I was sitting in the salon in front of the full length mirror thinking, "whoa, that mirror makes me look huge." It was clearly a defective mirror, or maybe my denial was getting the best of me. I compromised. Losing 10 pounds certainly couldn't hurt. So I started living with a calorie budget. My kids really appreciate it when I point out that their birthday cake is 640 calories per slice, or one half of their daily calorie need. Happy running girls! It hasn't been a joy ride, but I can say that I learned a lot about where I can shave off unneeded calories in my day. I know what my limits are and I can make a reasoned choice if I want dessert, wine, or a full entree. I also know how many minutes of spinning I need to do to make up for that three minute taste of glory. It definitely affects how I think about meals.
It's interesting to me how much my budgets overlap. Dutch Bros does not help my calorie budget or my financial budget. Easy choice there, sorry Dutch Bros, Diet Coke is cheaper. (Don't gag, I have a nutrition degree I realized Diet Coke has it's own issues but I get to choose). When I am standing at the counter with my Lose It app open trying to decide what to order my family rolls their eyes. I don't care, this is what wise decision making looks like right now. God is kind and is showing me where my idols are tripping me up in my accounting systems. It truly is a heart issue. Prayer costs me nothing, doesn't add weight to my body and frees me in so many ways. God is all I need. He has provided abundantly for me. He has provided enough for me to be generous if I will stop exceeding the limits he has set. I really just need to change my view of budgeting. Instead of making it a rigid system that binds me, I need to see it as healthy limits that free me. I need to be aware of where I am splurging consistently and selfishly. I need to put in more in places that maybe I don't want to, but I know that there are needs there. Vegetables aren't all bad, really! I guess even this old dog can learn some new tricks.
I am thankful for:
Bungee jumping kids, and their friends who video it.
Dr. Pickard's pool partys.
Roses blooming in my back yard.
Quiet mornings to read and write.
21 Pilots concerts that give my children a reason to live, no issues there.
Logos School.
Moscow Charter School.
Moscow High School.
High calorie birthday cakes, that I can cut into at least 50 pieces.
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