Quiet Moments

It is still quiet in the house this morning.  Soren is up pacing back and forth, waiting for Mr. R to come get him and give him some work to do.  He is so motivated to paint, or shovel chicken poo, or feed animals, or stack wood, but give him a book and all motivation goes out the window.  I know God has wired him this way, so learning how to discipline him to persevere in the things he doesn't love is my challenge.  His anxiousness to get to work this morning is killing my mojo however and I'm trying not to be grumpy about it.  Pacing children are very distracting.

Rick and the girls are up and on the road.  Lord willing they will spend the night in Monroe, LA.  I'm sort of jealous that they get to visit friends and I am here in the storms.  I'm not jealous of the 13 hours in the car.  Frankly my summers give me way more car time than I need.  I'm hoping to find an awesome place to hunker down next summer and not move from June until August.  Yep, it's the dream but I have to start somewhere.  It is hard to believe that my two "big girls" are away until Christmas.  I am so excited for them that I am not sad to see them go.  I miss them being here, but I know that they belong there and that gives me great joy.  I can't wait to hear about all that they are going to learn and see in the next few months.  It is sort of like opening a great new adventure novel.

Meanwhile back at the home we are trying to enjoy the last few weeks of summer, and get ready for the school routine.  I am afraid it will be a major shock to our system.  We have gotten a bit too leisurely these past few months.  I got out some math worksheets to get the juices flowing yesterday and let's just say the attitudes were worse than the math.  I have my work cut out for me for the next two weeks.  I think I have all the pencils and uniforms corralled, so now it is the smiles and discipline of getting up and getting to work.

I'm working on my own attitude as well.  It will be very different to have kids at school all day.  My drivers have left the country so I am back to being the taxi.  My two girls at home are going to take some attention on my part and we haven't quite worked out their schedules so that will take some adjustment.  What I have learned this year, is that it is okay for me to say no to things.  I need some quiet time to plan ahead.  And by plan I really mean quiet time to wrestle with God and submit to his plan for me.  I make all kinds of plans that quickly fly away when God has something else in mind.  My planning strategy lately has been to sit quietly and pray.  I am trying to write down the things that come to me in the quiet moments before the noise chases all the sane thoughts away.  Those are the things I commit to, and I try to leave all the other things on the maybe list.  It doesn't feel neat and orderly, but it is what really works.

I am feeling very unsure of myself this year.  We are doing things that we have never done before:  two kids in college in another state, one child in public school, one child at home with some online classes, and five back at Logos.  We don't have any extra folks living with us, which is actually odd for us.  It may actually give me some quiet time, which is hard to come by around here.  I want to use my time wisely and not spend it foolishly.  I have committed to some things at church that I don't feel prepared for, but do feel called to, which is probably exactly as it should be.  I have no feelings of power to take on the world, it is all walking in faith that this is what God has given me for now and I will do the best I can to draw on His strength in my weakness.

I want to focus on team building this school year.  Last year I sort of tried to go it alone, and it was tough going.  I want to build relationships with people that are being led in similar directions we are.  Not that they have to be into all the things that we are into, but that we are committed to moving towards something similar.  I just want to be more intentional about the relationships we invest in and give my time to people not projects.  I am really trying to resist the temptation to spend a lot of time on social media, and stalking my girls on Instagram.  I want to live in the present moment, but be looking to foster long term relationships with other people.  I have spent many years investing in my kids, and I need to continue with that, but at the same time I need to have my own set of friends that I can walk with.  I am anticipating a growth year, which I am not expecting to be comfortable.  It is all good, and I hope that all the glory goes to God.