The joy that came in the morning was a sweet text from one daughter thanking me for making her lunch. I can't even express how much that meant to me. So much hope in one sentence. It made me realize that in those moments when I get out of myself and acknowledge to God that I am all His and I do trust Him that all my petty sins truly have been wiped clean. That is amazing!! The joy of seeing my kids trust God and walk with Him makes a million sleepless nights, and annoying habits vanish. Love really is powerful.
Today I am resting in the knowledge that God is working all things for good because I love God and am called according to His purpose. I am a cracked up ugly jar of clay that holds His infinite light and lets it shine through all of those cracks to those around me. I know this is true of my children as well. Even the ones that think they know everything and are happy to tell everyone else what's what. Even the ones that aren't quite sure they want to follow a God that allows all the grief and sorrow that surrounds them. I see the light in their cracks and I know that the cracks will get bigger and the light will get brighter. I will spend more time crawling around on my knees knowing it is the best I can do for them.
It used to be difficult to imagine my children as my brothers and sisters in Christ. Today I can sit next to them struggling with life and sin and disappointment and admit that the only answer I have is Jesus. Keep praying, keep reading the Word, keep walking with friends who are seeking Christ, keep doing what God gives you to do today, and keep asking for forgiveness. We all blow it, and life goes on. I think this confuses them sometimes, you know that moment when the person you thought knew all the answers shrugs and says, "I have no idea." It's okay, we all feel a little spun out sometimes, they may as well know that I have more life experience, but that only allows me to call the plays I have already seen. When we hit new territory I am just as much a traveler as they are. I am just so grateful to have God as my father. I know that whatever comes, He is expecting it.
I have had some sweet days with Lisa since Kalkidan's accident. It is just awful for her to be taken so quickly and so soon, but she is deeply loved. Grief has been sweet and peaceful and heartbreaking all at the same time. Life does go on, even on the days when we would like to sit it out. There is more for all of us to do before we get to know all things as Kalkidan does. She truly did beat us all in this race. Losing her has reminded me that all of our days are numbered. I am not taking any moment for granted, and I am trying to remember that love is far more powerful than control. If I love my kids and they look like they are out of control, it's ok, the story isn't over yet. Today has enough care of its own, and that I can rest in.
I am thankful for:
* Thank you notes
* Understanding friends
* Changes in class schedules
* Good teachers
* Date night
* Texting (I wasn't sure I would ever think that)
* Adventures
* Siblings watching each other's backs
* A godly community to marinate in
* God's Word which never comes back void
* Big losses that don't defeat us
* The sure knowledge that above those gray clouds the warm sun is still shining
* My very patient sister-in-law
No comments:
Post a Comment