Staying In Touch

One of the things I want my kids to know is that there is absolutely nothing they could tell me that would shock me.  I tell them frequently that they can tell me anything, anytime and I will listen.  I am finding that they don't just shout out what they are struggling with most of the time.  Either I have to ask specific questions, which is full of pitfalls, or I need to be present and undistracted which is not easy in my house.

I am finding that other people's kids will come talk to me more than my own, which makes me wonder if my kids are talking to other parents.  I hope they do if they feel like they need to.  I know that there are some things you don't want to tell your mom.  Honestly there are some things I really don't want to hear.  I fully admit that teenage boys make no sense to me at times, so I really pray for them and try to send them to guys that I think can be far more helpful than I can.  I am trying to take my anxieties about my kids to my Father.  I am helpless to fix their problems, but I can guide them and offer prayers on their behalf.

I am realizing more and more that I am being humbled as my children grow older.  When they were little I could make it appear that I had some semblance of control over their lives, at least for a trip through Wal-Mart.  These days, all those illusions are gone.  My kids are making their own decisions.  They are living their own lives, which is what God wants for them.  I had my shot at influencing their lives through discipline and instruction and now I send them off with a lot of prayer.  I want them to come to me in their own time.  I have learned that too much instruction at this stage just drives them further away.  I need to sit back and pray and watch them make their own mistakes.  It does make me chuckle when they ask advice and are shocked when things turn out just like I predicted they would.  Really kids, I was a teenager once.  I spent hours at the school of hard knocks and I did learn a thing or two.  The hardest part for me is to watch them make decisions that I know will have hard consequences and keep my mouth shut.  I can only say so much, and then it is time for me to let them give it a go.  Some of their decisions are going to make me look bad and I need to let that go too.  Their lives aren't about me, although I'm sure I will get plenty of blame, after all if it's not one thing it's your mother.  It has taken me over 40 years to figure out my mother is not at fault for all my quirks.

I had a lovely trip to the south this last week.  It was a blur of college kids, laughter, track meets, coffee searches, road trips, and good friends.  I laughed until I cried.  I had sympathetic ears to talk to.  Other mothers who know well how adventuresome life can be.  I got to meet new friends who I already miss.  It was warm and sunny until the day I departed.  I miss having Madie and Brook here to talk to, but I know they have good friends around them.  I did have one night of sheer panic, when I was ready to pack them up and bring them home.  But God woke me up and gave me peace that they are where He wants them.  They need this time to find Him and find out who they are made to be.  They are in the midst of my good friends, who are probably more help to them than I am.  It is good to be home, but I wish they weren't all so far away.

I am thankful for:
~ airplanes, and the fun people who fly
~coffee, I should probably give it up for Lent
~old friends who you never have to try to impress (they've seen me at my worst)
~college friends, friends for life
~home
~sunshine, I hope it comes back
~kids, teaching me more about God and myself than anything else could
~Lent, a season to remember Jesus is the only thing I need