Light eyes

Is my eye full of light?  It totally depends on the day, which is encouraging to me, because it used to be solidly no.  I have light days and dark days, which means I am making progress.

A light day is when I know that God is ruling the universe.  I know that he is enough for me.  I know that He is good and I can trust that He is with me no matter what happens around me.  The dark days are when I balance my check book.  I see that there isn't enough.  I worry about paying for weddings, when no one has a ring.  I wake up feeling like I'm two days behind and I can never catch up.  I start to feel the not enough that the world pushes at me every day.  Today I was shown that the other evil twin of that feeling is to start seeing everyone else's enough.  Why do they have...?  They should be helping me with...  I start assuming that everyone should be serving me and that they clearly aren't doing their part.  I pray that I will start to see this warning light and turn it around.

Rick has a good eye.  He is able to see the good.  I criticize him for it!  Apparently my judgement is off.  My cynical spirit is the spirit that needs to be checked, not his grace.  It was his good eye that allowed me to walk the scary road to the kingdom.  When others were sure that I was the path to his destruction, God was faithful and kept him while we both moved toward God.  Lord, let me remember that when I start tearing down the young men in my daughter's lives.  I know I need to be discerning and give wise counsel, but I also need to trust you to work in mysterious ways.

Lord, thank you for shining your light into my life.  Thank you for walking with me, speaking to me, bringing people into my life to help me grow.  Thank you for the people who I tried to be like, when it wasn't my path.  Thank you that I failed miserably at being them.  Thank you for helping me to sort out who I am and being willing to walk with you down my path.  Please keep showing me the way.  May I keep my eye full of light, your light, following where you lead me.  Amen