So this summer...I no longer have little kids that need constant supervision (yay!!!). I start imagining that I have reached that utopia, where everyone can manage themselves and I can finish projects, read books, keep the house liveable, visit with friends and get meals made at normal times. I'm not so crazy as to think we can manage/afford vacations. I really didn't have any crazy expectations that we would be boating on lakes, sleeping until noon, and singing around the camp fire late into the night. I knew we had a lot of work to do this summer. God blessed us with jobs, animals, home improvement projects, which is wonderful/frustrating. Isn't that just the way life is? Every wonderful thing came through some painful trial, or involves some amount of tedious daily routine to keep it going.
This summer has been very typical for us. It had some great moments, among a lot of daily, sweat, boredom, fatigued grumpiness. We didn't see the grandparents as much as I would have hoped. One grandparent got married, which is going to be a big life change for all of us. The others just don't get to Moscow very often, and with our work schedules we have had a hard time getting out of town. Case in point, when you need five people to get the same days off so that you can go somewhere, it doesn't happen very often. I would have taken the youngsters and run, but someone had to feed steers if we were gone, and not a lot of volunteers offered to do that. I also have a defect in that I cannot plan complicated things. If there get to be too many obstacles (like 1.5) I give up. I know this about myself. We really need another planner to step up and take that job, but so far none have come through. The last three months have been a very unstructured chaos. We didn't have any really regular events to get us out of bed and keep us moving forward. We had two kids that really needed something to do, and I failed to bring it. They aren't able to work yet, and no one works when they are working for mom. We watched way too much t.v. and I hate that. Rick had a lot of work to do at the office so he wasn't able to be away for very long. None of it was bad, it was just very tedious.
Add to that that I am not great at celebration or taking breaks. I prefer to put my head down and plow forward, constantly, slow and steady. This life of work, take breaks, rest, celebrate the goodness of God, work again, is wonky for me. I am not sure how to work it out. I think having someone to work it through with would be awesome. I'm praying for that person to show up. Whenever it's time for a party I'm at a complete loss. I think I am very hungry for community in my daily life. I used to have that to a certain extent, but then we lost it when our kids got older. I have noticed a tendency for families to isolate a little bit when their kids become teens. I think part of it is busy schedules, and part of it is wondering if our kids are normal or going to embarrass us. It's a rare family that is willing to be embarrassed by their teens right along with you. I am also feeling consumed by the age group in my house. Teens tend to take over the place. I could use a few more older people to assure me I have not gone insane.
My teenagers hit a point where they start to think I am the enemy. They no longer want to ask my advice, because they don't like what they think I'm going to say. They don't want restrictions, or limits, or responsibilities. These become bad, and parents become bad because they represent the voice of reason. Their attitudes start to wear on me after a few hours of constant whining, questions, ignoring, and flat out disrespect. I have not done a stellar job of keeping up a strong and cheerful front. I get weary, and hot and lazy. I start believing I am wrong and should be nicer to them. No way!!!! I used to get some moral support at the pool with all the kids splashing around happily. Now the kids are too cool for the pool, and I am home with them and their coolness, awesome. Today I drug them up a mountain for a little nature hike. They whined and fussed (just like I remember doing when I was their age). I know it was good for them, but it sucked and was glorious all at the same time. Being outside helped my attitude a ton, but the whining made me want to kill someone. Yes, I can feel both of those at the same time. Like last year when I was watching a guy pull a cart full of people by a hook through his nose. I wanted to watch, but also couldn't stand it all at the same time, and I was not the only one.
The part of this summer story I want to remember is that it was hard, but a lot of good things happened. Mads did come home to visit. Bk loved her summer job and made some really good friends. Bron did a ton of art. M worked and made some serious headway on sorting out her fears. K-man made money, worked hard and loved it all. Ed learned that working makes playing more fun. S worked hard enough to make him want to cool it for a bit. Nes learned that you really can be too bored. H has been super efficient in getting things done in the down time so that the busy season isn't overwhelming. The steers are becoming manageable which is just miraculous every single year. Rick still has a job, and I remember why I still shouldn't. We lost several close families to big moves. We are learning that life brings new seasons with new challenges and new blessings. Breaks are wonderful, and we love the structure of the school year. Work is good, and should be enjoyed with breaks and celebrations. For every wonderful moment there was a serious of tedious moments, or some big trauma, and that is just how life rolls. It was a good summer and I will be happy to see it end.
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