Honest Doubts

Do you ever have those days that you are just sure you are not a Christian?  The middle of the sermon this morning had me right there.  If I can't let Jesus fill me up then I must not be a Christian.  You know, those moments when you know the truth, but you don't see it happening in your life.  My battle is with joy.  I can sacrifice all day long, but with joy?

We live in an age, or maybe it is just this world, that loves to critique.  People seem to have no problem letting me know what I could be doing better, or what I really am not so great at.  (Like finishing a sentence with a preposition.)  Yep, I see the flaws too folks, at least a lot of them, I'm sure I have missed a few.  Does anyone ever stop themselves mid-critique and wonder if this is really what the world needs?  One more person to touch up some point someone else made, but we clearly didn't really take home.  Why do the well dones taste like vinegar in our mouths?   I know I am just as much to blame here as anyone.  I listen to myself talk to my kids and cringe.  Why don't I just shut up?  They don't need to be told, again, that they could study more, or come home earlier, or speak up, or smile more.  I know it as I say it, but I don't know what else to say.

So there I sit, empty.  I am a sinner.  I criticize and complain and want the world to be a better place.  I even want to be a better person in it.  But in my want I am empty again.  How do I find joy?  Working for it doesn't work.  Trying to muster it up doesn't work.  Listening to fantastic sermons doesn't work.  Listening to Christmas music with vanilla candles lit doesn't work.  Lecturing your kids at the table doesn't work.  Reading blogs makes it a thousand times worse.  Then what?

I will wait for the Lord.  I will look for things to be thankful for, and there are literally thousands everyday.  I will keep reading His word and lifting up my prayers.  I will keep hunting for joy.  I know there is no other answer besides Jesus.  He is a great savior. 

Thanksgiving:
~ the perfect law of liberty
~days of rest, still not easy
~people around me who are different than I am, and wonderful
~honest prayers of those who hurt
~writing that allows me to say what I can't get out of my mouth
~chocolate chex, I don't know why but they are awesom
~teenagers, fruit beginning to ripen into something amazing
~the smell of fresh evergreens
~family, even when you wish you could drive them out to the middle of nowhere and leave them for dead
~Christmas cards!

When the Ride gets Bumpy

There will be days when you feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.  You will wake up one morning to the sunshine pouring in to greet you.  You will get up, have your cup of coffee and read your Bible.  All will seem right with the world.  You will get together with a friend and they will start telling you tales that make you wonder if you should pinch yourself.  You are listening and smiling and wondering if an alien has taken over your body, or your friends.  You may sit in a group of ladies and hear about a situation that you are familiar with, but what you are hearing sounds so absurd to you that you start to wonder if it is all a dream.  It's OK.  Life gets really weird sometimes.

I know I have written about this many times, but the same scene can look very different from different angles.  That's why instant replay is so popular.  Twelve different camera angles can make a play even more difficult to call, and in the end some well paid guy in a black and white shirt is still going to get death threats.  So it is with our lives.  A situation which I may think I see so clearly may look completely different to someone from the other side of town.  And usually it is not a fight that we actually have a dog in anyway.  We are hearing one person's perspective, or maybe one person's perspective of one person's perspective and really, who knows what actually happened.  Well, God knows.  He knows and He is not mocked.

What do we do when we are feeling whipped around and close to hurling?  We pray.  We find solace in the Word of God.  We remember that He is our shield and our sword.  His Word is the light to our path.  We remember that we are small and limited, and He is big and wild.  He is not finished with our story, if we are still sitting in the middle of it wondering what in the world is going on.  We must trust Him.  We must not put too much faith in men, no matter how wise or godly we believe them to be.  They are still men.  They see things from their angle.  They may have heard more of the story than we have and we may have to submit to decisions that we really don't agree with.  Keep praying.  Keep looking to God.  Moving to Nebraska or even Italy is not going to make the world seem less topsy turvy.  By the grace of God there are nuts in all countries and all times.  We get to live with the nuts in our own bowl.  I am a nut too, don't think I am looking down on nuts.  Read some good  books.  You will find that this story line is all too familiar.  Love your neighbor.  Don't start trashing your friend.  She sees what she sees, you see what you see, and praise God, He sees what is.

It is is all too easy to start attributing motives to people.  It is easy to let fear take hold, causing you to distrust everybody.  Don't get off the ride you are on, just to get on a bigger harder ride.  Run to your Father.  Cry out to Him.  Sing psalms.  Go for a bike ride with your kids.  Remember that God takes time.  He lets the wicked build their own gallows to hang themselves on.  He is long-suffering, and he calls us to join him in that.  Sometimes this story line will come back to you in waves.  You will think it was dealt with, and it will roll in years later.  Buckle up, look to the Lord and love the people around you.  I am so very grateful for people who see things I don't see.  I am grateful for answered prayers, and unanswered prayers.  I am grateful for hard times that cause us to cling to the Lord and to cling to one another.  Father forgive me for forgetting how frail I am and for not trusting you to protect the weak.

Running, Eating, and playing Games

The First Annual Freeze Your Buns Fun Run was a big success.  We all got out and burned a few calories before the day of feasting began.  I learned a few things during my 45 minute trek with Nesradine and Bronwyn.  Next year I need to have my children grouped in twos or threes so that when someone needs to turn around they won't be alone.  Rick and I need to decide before the start who is going to go the distance and who is staying with the short kids.  We also need to have a designated time to send out the "sag wagon" for those who have bitten off more than they can chew.  That person was Nesradine this year.  He started the race thinking he was going to finish the 4.5 mile loop, and he would have done it if we had given him a little more time.  The difficulty was that I had planned to do 3 miles, but it took me 2.5 to catch Nesradine, by then we had to finish the loop.  Bronwyn had stuck with me and I think she would have turned around after the first mile, but she didn't want to walk back alone.  Even with our little hitches it was a lot of fun, and I felt much better starting the day with a little energy booster.

We had decided to do courses throughout the day instead of snacking all day and then sitting down to a one big meal.  We started with the soup course, at midday.  We had a squash soup and a chicken and rice soup.  The next course was salads, followed by vegetables.  The turkey course was served around 5, followed by the dessert bonanza.  It was a lot of work to prep the food, set it out and then clean up between courses, but it was good work.  My dishwasher went the extra distance without a complaint, thank God!

We did learn that it worked better to have everyone sit down and eat at their respective tables.  I don't have one table long enough to seat everyone.  With several seatings I didn't want to set up the dining area downstairs, so we had to make do with the tables that we had up.  It meant that there were two dining areas and we had to divide and conquer.  It took us a few courses to get the wrinkles ironed out, but by the turkey course we had a very pleasant atmosphere.  The kids watched movies in between courses, while the grown ups cooked and cleaned.  We have decided that with the child to adult ratio, we need to keep the conversation shorter and provide extra serving help.

We threw in a few new traditions this year.  We had a thankful tree with leaves of thankfulness.  Here is a sampling from the tree: God, life, food, chocolate, family, pictures, swim team, singing, running, 4 seasons, Jesus, friends, family gatherings, pleasant views, the ocean, mom and dad, November, December, June 24, Selam, Kiki, snow, flowers, classmates, t.v., Aunt siggy's house, brothers and sisters.  We also had a poetry contest.  Our poetry definition was very loose since most of the contestants were under 10 and we were a little fuzzy on our meter anyway.  Here are a couple of our entries:

There was a puppy, by Helen age 6

There was a little puppy,
 and Tigger came along,
Then Piglet came along,
Then Kanga came along,
Then Winnie the Pooh came along,
And Rabbit,
And Owl.
They had a picnic,
And Tigger stayed, so they all stayed.
Then they all bought a Christmas tree.
And Winnie the Pooh got everybody some honey.
And then...they decorated the Christmas tree.
And the little puppy was happy.
And then their mother and her brothers and her sisters and her dad came home.
So they got her presents.
So the two brothers sat down together,
and the mom and the brother sat down together.
So another mom sat down with her two daughters.

The Big Dog, by Nesradine and Ben age 6 and 5

The big dog would dig in the dirt
but every now and then he would sometimes get hurt
By the little gofers popping out of the holes.
And he yelped at the small little bites on his nose.

Turkey Living To See Another Thanksgiving, by Karsten age 11

The was a little turkey in the forest so green.
Along came a hunter who was oh so keen.
He lurked and he jerked at the smallest little sound.
But his feet kept a crack'n on the twig covered ground.

The hunter looked and he saw the turkey.
The turkey was sure that he'd soon be jerky.
The hunter shot, but then was caught,
In his very own trap, which made him miss.

The turkey ran with incredible speed,
But the hunter followed with a feeling of greed.
Then the hunter tripped with a big old smack.
Then the turkey escaped to his leafy shack.

That night the turkeys celebrated,
Because their friend had not been cremated,
In the hot black oven of the hunter and his wife.
Now in the forest there is no strife.

The winning entry was sort of a locational thing.  I think the judges had had some wine and found it much funnier the first time they read it.  The goal of the S boys was to find words that rhyme. 

There Once Was a Dad, by Soren and Simon, age 8

There once was a Dad who was makin' bacon, while rakin.
He was a cool little fellow
He was very mellow.
He flew over the big blue sky,
And saw a butterfly.
Then he saw a pale whale.
He went to the zoo,
And did something new.
He went to the black panther,
And the fur was hers.
She was rad,
Just like the dad.
She was also mad at the dad.
There were trees,
They were pink,
The could think!
And it had a sink.
Then clones took the phones.
Then Avatar went into a bar!!
The big dog ate a hog,
And dog hid in a log.

They drank some beer with a cheer.