When the Ride gets Bumpy

There will be days when you feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.  You will wake up one morning to the sunshine pouring in to greet you.  You will get up, have your cup of coffee and read your Bible.  All will seem right with the world.  You will get together with a friend and they will start telling you tales that make you wonder if you should pinch yourself.  You are listening and smiling and wondering if an alien has taken over your body, or your friends.  You may sit in a group of ladies and hear about a situation that you are familiar with, but what you are hearing sounds so absurd to you that you start to wonder if it is all a dream.  It's OK.  Life gets really weird sometimes.

I know I have written about this many times, but the same scene can look very different from different angles.  That's why instant replay is so popular.  Twelve different camera angles can make a play even more difficult to call, and in the end some well paid guy in a black and white shirt is still going to get death threats.  So it is with our lives.  A situation which I may think I see so clearly may look completely different to someone from the other side of town.  And usually it is not a fight that we actually have a dog in anyway.  We are hearing one person's perspective, or maybe one person's perspective of one person's perspective and really, who knows what actually happened.  Well, God knows.  He knows and He is not mocked.

What do we do when we are feeling whipped around and close to hurling?  We pray.  We find solace in the Word of God.  We remember that He is our shield and our sword.  His Word is the light to our path.  We remember that we are small and limited, and He is big and wild.  He is not finished with our story, if we are still sitting in the middle of it wondering what in the world is going on.  We must trust Him.  We must not put too much faith in men, no matter how wise or godly we believe them to be.  They are still men.  They see things from their angle.  They may have heard more of the story than we have and we may have to submit to decisions that we really don't agree with.  Keep praying.  Keep looking to God.  Moving to Nebraska or even Italy is not going to make the world seem less topsy turvy.  By the grace of God there are nuts in all countries and all times.  We get to live with the nuts in our own bowl.  I am a nut too, don't think I am looking down on nuts.  Read some good  books.  You will find that this story line is all too familiar.  Love your neighbor.  Don't start trashing your friend.  She sees what she sees, you see what you see, and praise God, He sees what is.

It is is all too easy to start attributing motives to people.  It is easy to let fear take hold, causing you to distrust everybody.  Don't get off the ride you are on, just to get on a bigger harder ride.  Run to your Father.  Cry out to Him.  Sing psalms.  Go for a bike ride with your kids.  Remember that God takes time.  He lets the wicked build their own gallows to hang themselves on.  He is long-suffering, and he calls us to join him in that.  Sometimes this story line will come back to you in waves.  You will think it was dealt with, and it will roll in years later.  Buckle up, look to the Lord and love the people around you.  I am so very grateful for people who see things I don't see.  I am grateful for answered prayers, and unanswered prayers.  I am grateful for hard times that cause us to cling to the Lord and to cling to one another.  Father forgive me for forgetting how frail I am and for not trusting you to protect the weak.

Broken Cisterns

"For My people have committed two evils:  They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn themselves cisterns - broken cisterns that can hold no water." Jer. 2:13

I have been clinging to this verse for the past couple of days.  I have needed that fountain of living water just to get from one hour to the next.  It is tempting to start looking for cisterns, but I know that they are all empty.  God has brought me to the place of complete dependence on Him.  I can "get organized" all that I want, it won't get me through the day.  I do not schedule the meltdowns, or the squabbles, or the illnesses that come into my life.  They are all gifts from God.  He gives me what I need, not what I want.  Sometimes this blog is my cistern.  I think I have something nifty to say, and my mind goes blank, or it doesn't come across at all like I thought it should.  None of my attempts to pull myself together move me up at all.  It is when I fall flat on my face and let the Lord know I am finished that He lifts me up and puts things right.

Today I am overwhelmed at the grief that my children are bearing.  I know that I am to bear their burdens with them, but right now it feels like it is too much.  Some of the burdens they aren't aware of yet, but I am.  I know I need help, but I don't yet know where that help will come from.  My resources are limited, but my God's are not.  I am trusting Him to provide.  I am trusting that He is capable of healing their wounds.  I know that suffering is all a part of His plan, that it builds our character and fits us for His kingdom.  I know it.  I know it is all for good, but it is tough stuff.  It hollows me out, and strips me of anything that I might cling to for help.  It brings me to Jesus.  I am so grateful that at the end of my rope, He is there to walk with me.  It gives me great assurance that He is there for my children as well.  He must love them deeply to have let them suffer with Him and to give them new life.

I have been praying that I will be a fountain of living water for them.  That I will live by the Spirit before them so that they will have something to follow.  I am hoping that they see how committed I am to them, but ultimately how committed I am to Christ.  It is an awesome task, an impossible task, unless I let those living waters run through me from God.  It is easy to let my quiet time slip by.  It is easy to get angry and lose my joy.  It is easy to listen to all of the discouraging messages around me. If I stop, be still and know that He is God, that Jesus died so that I may live in newness of life, then I can love my children in the Spirit.  Then I can be thankful for every spill, for every spat, for every tantrum, for every dent, for every opportunity to forgive, to heal, to love.  Then I can see my family through God's eyes, through faith.  I can have joy in the hard work that produces such beautiful fruit.  I know that God keeps His promises, and His promises are glorious.

Onward and Upward

"The grave, then, is not a blind alley, but a thoroughfare, leading to a much richer life beyond.  This life is but prologue; the primary sphere of our existence lies in the future.  We can attain completeness only in that other realm where there is no more sickness nor death and where progress is always onward and upward." - Loraine Boettner, Immortality, p 69

Grief Defined

"What is grief?  It can safely be said that everyone who is more than a year old knows something of grief by firsthand experience, but a clinical description will help us to get it in focus.  Grief is the inward desolation that follows the losing of something or someone we loved-a child, a relative, an actual or anticipated life partner, a pet, a job, one's home, one's hopes, one's health or whatever.

Loved is the key word here.  We lavish care and affection on what we love and those whom we love, and when we lose the beloved, the shock, the hurt, the sense of being hollowed out and crushed, the haunting, taunting memory of better days, the feeling of unreality and weakness and hopelessness, and the lack of power to think and plan for the new situation can be devastating." - J.I. Packer, A Grief Sanctified, p. 9

Scars

I'm discovering that while time heals all wounds, it doesn't remove the scars.  In God's providence I mentioned my weekend plans, which include my husband going to a friend's funeral, to another friend while we waited for our children after school.  She gave me a knowing look, and told me about an incident in her past.  I had no idea.  I gave her a huge hug, and told her how sorry I was.  This was a good while back for her, but it brought the pain right to the surface.  She called to check in on me, and now I know how I can pray for her.  I would have had no idea had God not given an opportunity for her to minister to me.

I had made a very dumb comment to my pastor about Americans not having many reasons to grieve.  God has sure shoved those words right down my throat this week.  First of all He reminded me of the grief that this pastor had suffered not too long ago, and then the week unfolded more grief than I have had to deal with in a few years.  I guess we are just better at making it look good, even when we are hurting inside, or maybe we don't talk about it because it makes others uncomfortable.  This life is surely full of pleasure as well as pain.  I was also reminded that everyone grieves differently.  The same event will bring a much different response in everyone involved. 

I remember reading A Grief Observed, and C.S. Lewis explaining why it was A Grief Observed and not Grief Observed.  Grief looks very different in each person.  I have found many books on situations that have caused grief and how the author has dealt with it, but very few on grieving itself. The underlying principle I am finding for Christians, is to not mourn without hope.  We need not to lose sight of our saviour in our grief.  He was a man of sorrows, who bore our sorrows for us and rose victorious over them all.  We live in Him.  Our grief may be many years here, but this life is short and eternity is long.  Our victory over death is that we are born twice to die once, that death will not be the end, but the ultimate beginning.  Sometimes the truth of that is crushing because death is final.  While we live we have hope of redemption, but once we pass that point our end is sure.  It is there we have to be thankful that God has mercy.

I am also seeing that Jubilee understands much of this truth much better than I do.  She has suffered in the depths of her soul.  She knows that tomorrow the sun will rise no matter how much she wishes it wouldn't.  She knows that terrible days are followed by another day, that God has a plan for us and it is not finished until He says it is.  She knows that she can and will go on.  The trick will be teaching her to live a victorious life in light of this truth and not to wallow in the grave.  Eternal life begins here.  The work we start here will follow us into eternity.  Our music pastor keeps reminding us that we know we will be singing in Heaven, so let's get to it now.  That is a good place to start.  It seems silly, but it works.  Jubilee has had many rainy days, so I need to point out that the sun is shining and that it is good.  For any of you out there who are in the rainy days, you are not alone.  You just never know what the person next to you might also have suffered in their lives.  Grief is uncomfortable, but it is a part of life, and it is part of the burden that we bear for one another.

The Problem of Death

"Some speak of the "problem" of death.  For the Christian there should be no more a problem of death than there is a problem of faded flowers or of a clouded sky.  God has made this so clear in His word that there can be no grounds to question it.  It is only when we fail to think soberly about life that we have the feeling that it should be all sunshine.  Undoubtedly death has been for many the one way to release from burdens and pains that had become too great to be borne, as with the hopelessly incurable, and the aged.  For others it has meant escape from suffering or disappointment that would have come to them in later life.  As this world in constituted there must be shadows as well as light, night as well as day, pain as well as pleasure, a departure from life as well as an entrance into it.  That richer life, which is the soul's true destiny, can be attained only by passing through the portals of death." - Loraine Boettner, Immortality, p. 35

A time to mourn

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance,"  Eccl 3:4

I received a box of books from Amazon today.  They were recommendations from friends on the subject of grief.  A couple of hours later I got a call from a friend telling me that another friend had passed away unexpectedly.  I was grief stricken, but in an odd way prepared.

In God's providence He leads me into situations that He has done the preparation for.  It doesn't make difficult circumstances easy, but it deepens my faith.  I know that I am not without a guide as I walk through valleys of the shadow of death, or change, or difficulty, or whatever lesson God is working out.  It doesn't give me the magic words to mend someone's broken heart, but it does give me a great compassion for the loss that they have suffered.  It gives me perspective, and a better idea of what they truly need.  They need understanding, prayer, patience, and support.

I'm learning to appreciate the good days, the uneventful regular routine of life.  When affliction comes, it puts everything into perspective.  The things that are important stand out, and the things that are trivial fall away.  The people around me are eternal, and all the other stuff is just stuff.  I have gathered some quotes that I will be posting soon.  Tonight my heart is broken for the Williams family, and I will be offering many prayers on their behalf.