Ch, ch, ch, changes

There are so many changes on my horizon, I'm not sure where to start.  Our little Nes, who has been healthy and med free for the last seven years, started taking ARV's yesterday.  I don't know why this makes me sad, but it does.  We told him we would throw him a little party to celebrate this new chapter in his life.  Hopefully the party will mark a new beginning for him.  For me, I am celebrating that he has access to medication that will allow him to live a normalish, healthy life.  We have every reason to believe he will outlive the rest of us, and have a happy thriving home just like the rest of the family.  For that, I am profoundly grateful.

We have been talking as a family about homeschooling next year.  This month is re-registration at our school, and we will not be re-registering.  A friend pointed out to me that this would be a very difficult personal decision for me, not because I am going to increase my job responsibilities exponentially so much, as because I will be letting go of a personal identity.  She pointed out that we will be remaking ourselves in a very real way.  Actually we are not remaking ourselves, God is remaking us into something new.  I am very excited about this new chapter of our lives, but with the excitement is mixed more than a little trepidation.  We have every reason to believe that this is a decision that God has been moving us to for several years, and we have no expectation that it will look like a smooth transition to all of those watching.  Rachel Jankovic recently wrote a book about parenting called Fit to Burst.  In it she talked about parenting at times feeling like the guy on the free throw line being yelled at, and waved at, with everyone trying to distract him from what he needs to do.  I know I am going to feel like that for most of the next two years.  I am trying to work on my rhythm so that when the crowd is the loudest, I will be the most focused.  I know this news will get very mixed reviews from my friends, it already has.  I guess that is part of the remaking, I will find out who is willing to roll with us, and who will miss the old identity.  I've been through these kinds of changes before, and I know that they have taught me a lot about God, family, friendship, and life.

We are also starting to fill out FAFSA forms for Madie.  What is she doing next year?  We aren't sure.  What does she want to do?  We aren't sure of that either.  This morning she told me she would like to be a nanny in Europe.  I told her she had better pick a country quick and start learning the language.  She decided that gave England a decided advantage.  Ah to be young again and have all the possibilities wide open.  I know it will all come together, and that too is very exciting.

I have so much to study, think about, pray about, chat with friends about, and the laundry still piles up, and the meal times still come around at regular intervals.  It would be so nice to join a convent for a year and sort it all out, but that is not the life God has written me into.  I'm praying a lot.  I'm seeking Jesus in every corner, trying to determine where He is going with us.  He fed people, He healed people, He freed them from their sin.  I am going to start there, and then see what He adds to my plate.

If you know us, feel free to ask me about all of this.  The answer may be different today than it will be next week.  The kids are all in the loop.  They have mixed emotions as well.  Their identity is very tied to Logos.  They are fearful that they will lose friends in the process.  They may, but they may gain some as well.  Pray for us, we will need it.

Today I am thankful for:

Friends who understand my messy life, because theirs is messy too

Medicine that saves lives

Doctors who spend years studying and working with people to heal them

Medical research, a complicated, messy business, that works miracles

Health insurance without which it wouldn't matter

Oranges, the hope of warm weather in the dead of winter

The smell of fresh flowers