Joy and Sorrow

This morning I attended the funeral of a friend who suffered from depression, and was taken in despair.  I was shocked when I heard the news.  We were at camp heading in to the lodge for breakfast.  The friend that told me knows how devastating depression can be.  That darkness that over takes us, sometimes just for a short time, but in that time we lose hope, and some of us lose life.  It terrifies me for so many reasons.  What if those close to me can't get out of the dark?  What about the days when I am in the dark?  God have mercy on us.

One of my children asked this week, why God told Adam not to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil if he knew he would disobey.  Don't we all want to know that?  I told him that God loves us.  He loves us so much that he is willing to forgive us our disobedience for the joy of having us with him.  That has to be hard for a child to understand, but as a mom I get it.  I know my kids are going to disobey and do things that I don't like, but would I give up the joy of them to have perfect obedience?  No way!  I love to cook for them.  I love to watch them grow and learn.  I love to wrestle with their questions.  I just love them.  I love the hard kids and the easy kids.  I love the whole package, bad days, good days, little hands to hold, and big shoes sitting in my entryway.  Every moment with them is a blessing and I wouldn't take a neat, tidy, stress free, life over this mess ever.  This week we have been packed around our table, elbow to elbow, wondering which walls we can knock out of the dining room to get some breathing room.  It is a wonderful problem to have, and if I need to set a table in the living room, that's OK with me.  The stories that are developing around my table are the best things in life.  I hope they all carry that in their hearts.  I hope they take that joy out to others who don't have the fellowship that we have.

As I listened to people retell the story of Joel's life I was so thankful to have known him.  I didn't know him well, but I was blessed by the things he gave to people around me.  His story was a good one.  He was a man that loved God and lived his life to please his father.  We will miss him here, but we will walk with him again.  The heartbreak is that he got lost in a temporary darkness and forgot the joy of living.  That rocks everyone around him, who are left wondering why all the good that he was disappeared for that moment to his mind.  His life was precious to so many people.  He made the world a better place, and he will be greatly missed.

The unanswerable question is how joy and darkness can dwell together so closely in people.  We are all surrounded by endless joy in each sunrise.  Each person we meet is a gift of life.  And yet, the darkness sweeps across our lives and knocks us down so often.  Some are knocked down more than others, but I know of very few people who have not felt that terrified alone feeling at some point.  So often no one else knows of our struggle, or when they do, they do not know how to reach in and pull us out.  Life is complicated.  It is bumpy and loud and hard to navigate from day to day.  I guess the encouragement is that we are all here together.  We don't have to be alone.  Our stories are interesting and worth telling.  Today I will delight in my family and friends and thank God for one more day to live the adventure.  We will miss you Joel, you always made everyone around you smile.  Thank God for forgiveness of all of our sins, and the promise of new life.