Football, Maturity and Homeschooling

Rick was using football as an analogy to clarify a situation we are having at home.  As he was explaining the relationships I was trying to figure out who was who in the story.  I finally asked him who the coach was.  He gave me a confused look, mostly because I was taking the analogy farther than he had planned, and said that he was.  We decided that God was the coach and part of our frustrations with our older kids is that we keep thinking we are the coach.  As my children get older and their problems get bigger I find myself starting to panic because I can't control their little worlds anymore.  They have to start looking to the coach instead of to me.  I can give advice and share wisdom as someone who is older and has seen more of the world than they have, but I can't tell them what God is calling them to.  I can pray for them, and share with them what I see as gifts and abilities that they have, but then they have to think and pray and study for themselves.  I know that God has always been the coach, it is just breaking through my brain that my kids have gotten to a point where they are starting off into the world on their own.

I feel like I have been the one maturing by light years this last couple of months (not that anyone would notice from the outside).  Having my oldest daughter graduate from high school, live away from home all summer, start dating, and start college while living at home has been a big transition.  All my older girls are starting to think about college and what they might want to do when they grow up.  It has made me think about what I was doing when I was their age.  What influenced decisions that I made?  Ultimately it was God in a thousand little conversations, moments of thinking through problems, and seemingly chance circumstances.  I got my PhD from the school of hard knocks and I am hoping to keep my children from running into all of the barriers I had to run into.  I am learning a lot about who God is and how He works in the minute details of everyday life to accomplish His purposes.  All those Bible stories give me insight into how the sinful mind thinks and how we mistrust that God is good.  I see the stories play out right in front of me, but so does the rest of the family.  I see myself clinging to stupid idols that cannot save anyone.  I see my sin boldly before me, and I have the opportunity to humble myself and acknowledge that this is God's story, not mine, and I trust Him completely.

Homeschooling has been an amazingly humbling experience.  I get to deal with my sin in ways I had not expected.  I am finding idols in all kinds of places I hadn't noticed before.  I am realizing how much I have forgotten over the years.  The good news is that once I relearn it, it comes back.  I am quite certain that I have learned far more this last two months than all of my children put together.  It is disconcerting and thrilling all at the same time.  I am not sure I will ever feel good about what we are getting done at home, because I have a hard time overlooking all that I am not getting done.  My prayer is that through it all we will all know God better by next summer.