Voices in my head

Have you ever had a moment when you realize that every time you think of God you see one particular face, or hear God in one particular voice?  When I realize that is happening in my life, I am making a mental note to stop and think about why that is.  It is so easy to find yourself following a man instead of following God.  It is a subtle drift, then you realize that you have lost sight of your real savior and the result is a sickening terror.  Like when you are a child and you realize that the person you thought was your parent isn't and you are lost.

Sometimes the voice we are following is a good voice.  It might be a gifted pastor, a parent, a good friend, but it isn't God.  The person you are following may have no idea that this is happening, and might be mortified if they realized it.  It isn't them, it is me.  I have let someone become the voice in my head instead of making sure God is the only voice.  I have put the created before the creator.

This is one of the ways I get to crazy land.  People are flawed, even the good ones.  God gives us His word, His Spirit, and other people to keep us in check when we start to drift.  I think lately I have let myself go way too long, and it is going to take some time to sort out the truth from the not quite truth.  The truth is that I may have a lot of respect for someone, but I am not going to agree with everything they say or do.  The voice in my head currently has a very different view of grace than I do.  That view is not necessarily wrong, but it makes me feel crazy.  God has a different angle for me, and that is OK.  God has different jobs for different people, so if my job allows me to see something differently I need to trust God.  I need to step back and look for God working in my life.  I need to look back on my life and see the markers He has set for me so that I can get back on track.

It is so much easier to buy into a certain way of thinking.  We want a method that will insure that we are good.  We want to be able to measure ourselves and our performance.  We don't want to be tested and wonder how we did.  We don't like the feeling of walking by faith, especially when people around us start to question why we are doing things a certain way.  Ultimately we don't like messy, but God needs us to get messy so we can clean some things up.  He needs us to be willing to trust Him when He asks us to take risks.  I've been playing a game.  I know the rules of the game.  I know what is expected.  It would be really comfortable to just keep on keeping on, but I know that for me the result is trusting in me, not God.  God wants me to follow Him in things I don't get to control.  I have to trust Him.

I know in my head, and I need to let it sink into my heart that God is good.  His plans for me are to give me something even better than I am hoping for.  I know that my desires are tiny compared to the gifts that He has for me if I will trust Him.  Living large is terrifying.  God has dumped blessings on my head at times so heavy it has knocked me over.  I need to submit myself to that kind of possibility. Faith will drive out the crazy talk in my head.  Faith will make me feel totally out of control, but will bring me more than I can hold on to.  Jesu Juva.