What I have discovered with years of mom experience is that my children's personal happiness is not my concern. That may sound cold on the outset, but bear with me. My job is to feed them well, make sure they have opportunities and proper incentives to sleep, and keep them clothed. I am to give them boundaries. I am to discipline them when they need correction. I am to guide them in decision making. I am to pray for them. I am to tell them what God has done for them, and all his people always. I am to train them up to follow their God. I am to disciple them in their faith. Surprisingly, most of this does not necessarily bring happy to their life. It can, if they are in the proper frame of mind and heart, but there are days that it makes them plumb grumpy. How they feel about me doing my job, is not really my concern. I pray for them in that area, but I no longer let it guide my decision making. They may scream, pout, say "yes ma'am" and then ignore me, they may react in a multitude of ways but my decisions in their best interest need to stay firm. I love these kids. My love for them allows me to make the tough decisions and stick to them because I know it is what is best. I also need to check my attitude, because there are some decisions that are best for them that are really hard for me. It may mean extra driving, extra expenses, extra time in my schedule for them, or extra people in my life. I do a lot of praying about that too. We all want to be happy, but happy is a decision we make about how we orient ourselves to reality.
The sermon that I heard yesterday is sort of blowing my mind still today. All of a sudden I understood why Cain killed Abel, and why God responded the way that He did. God never told Cain what his offering should be, at least there is not indication in the Bible that he did. Cain made an offering, and so did Abel, but God regarded Abel's and not Cain's. Why? From the text it looks like it was because Abel offered a really costly offering. He gave his best to God. Cain just gave some of his stuff to God. God was pleased with Abel's offering because it revealed how Abel thought of God. He was willing to give him the best that he had, this is usually because of the love for that person. Cain may have been angry with God, but he was really angry with Abel. What did he have to be mad about? If Abel wants to give something awesome to God, why should Cain be bent out of shape about it? I see this happening in myself and my kids all the time. The strife between siblings over giving gifts to each other, or the gifts that God has given each of them. Some of them can't seem to see the larger picture. They don't see that love can be expressed in those gifts and they should be able to rejoice in relationships around them. They are too concerned about whether or not they are enough in their relationships. It really is about who God is. And that I am not God.
I had this conversation with my kids the other day, actually it is becoming a recurring theme. I don't love them any more on the days when they are happy and pleasant, than I do on the days when they are cranky and out of sorts. I may not enjoy spending time with them when they are cranky, but I don't love them less. I love them because they are my children. This applies to their dad as well. I may not agree with everything he says or does, and sometimes I may disagree at a good volume, but he is my guy. I know very well, there is no other guy out there that will make me happier than the one I have, so the kids don't need to worry about me walking away from him ever. That is what love is. It is solid. The circumstances around it may vary wildly from day to day, but it isn't moving. I have made a covenant with God to this family and even when I am weak, He is strong.
I have found it very frustrating when my kids start hiding from me. I love them. I want a relationship with them. I will point out stupidity in their lives, so that they can see better. I don't think I'm better than they are and I am not mad at them. I know they will do stupid things. I did too. I am hopeful that they will see it sooner than I did. The thing that occurred to me this weekend is that when we are sneaking from God or mom and dad, it is because we changed. God is the same always. Mom and dad are pretty solid too. If I'm out doing something dumb, and I don't want mom and dad to know, so I block them on Twitter, is it really because I think I'm doing something worth my time? Not likely. Most likely I'm ashamed of what I am doing, but I think others who "get me" will think it's cute. Ponder that. What would the people who truly love you and want the very best for you think about what you are up to? Why wouldn't I want my future employer, or grandma, or pastor to know what I am doing? Is it really because they are uptight and judgemental? Or maybe it's because I know it's wrong, but I want to do it anyway. The really stunning thing is when your sweet child says, but this makes me happy. Yep, it feels that way right now. So maybe happy shouldn't be what we are shooting for. Maybe there is something deeper and more meaningful that we need to be leading our kids toward. Joy I have found comes through suffering. Not a lot of happy there, but oh man is joy worth it. I guess all you happy people will just have to trust me on that.
I'm still wrestling with all of this. Most of all how to love my people well. How to show them the depth of my love, even on the days when they are sure that I am out to ruin their lives. Yep, I've had that conversation with God. It is a daily reorienting of myself to Him and His plan for my life. This week will be especially challenging. All of us here together under the gray skies and cold winds. The kids on the beaches sending pictures of sand and fun. I will count it all joy.
No comments:
Post a Comment