Kids. Can't take them out of the world. Can't keep them from it. Best to focus on abiding in Christ as much as possible. Spirit will take care of rest. He is stronger. Trouble comes when branches are not abiding. Then world easily wins. My perspective.
The first ditch is to teach my children to follow all of the rules. If the child stays in this ditch, they will probably not get into much trouble. Their teachers will love them. Their coach will give them extra responsibility. The child will think they have life all figured out. They might have a few friends, who are also rules keepers. The problem is that they may never know Christ. The Pharisees knew all the rules and kept them so well that they raised the standard a couple of notches which took Christ right out of the box they had created for all the "good" people. I don't want my kids in that box.
The other ditch is to teach my kids that they should challenge all authority. Who made those stinking rules anyway? Get in everyone's face and ask they why you should do what they say! If my child is in this ditch the world will love them. They will have all kinds of friends who smile and laugh and look like they are having a grand time until the cops show up. Then all of those smiles will disappear and leave my child standing there realizing who made the rules. They will find out what loneliness and betrayal feel like. If they are lucky, God's grace will be there and they will repent, but there will be damage already done.
Abiding in Christ means knowing the god-man Jesus. For starters it means reading the word that he gave us. Get your Bible out and read it. Pray. Talk to the God that made you. Take your questions to him. Ask him for wisdom, he has already promised to answer that prayer. Listen to those who have authority over you. If you are fortunate you have a wise pastor that God has given you to shepherd you in life. Get to know him. Listen to your parents. If they tell you to do something you don't like, first ask yourself why you don't like it. If that answer doesn't satisfy you, ask them why. Godly parents probably have thought through why they are requiring things of you, and they know their job is to explain it to you. If they haven't thought it through, your asking them is an opportunity for them to abide in Christ. Make some godly friends. You should have a variety of friends, but those closest to you should also be abiding in Christ. You need encouragement, wisdom, fellowship, rebuke, things that another person seeking to be more like Christ can give you.
Last night we got into a family discussion about what it means to live like Christians. It started with some information gleaned from Instagram. I don't think it had the intended effect on me that was expected. I tried to get my child to look at the situation from a different angle. My intent was good, and if I had waited until after dinner it might have come off better. Now that I think about it, it was quite a comedy of errors. We ended up having a really good discussion around our table, but we almost ended up with growling tummies and sour looks alone in our rooms. I had made a very nice dinner, and had been waiting for everyone to get home from their respective activities. Everyone was hot and hungry and not in the mood to think through why they were being fat headed. There were several fat heads in the room at the time. The one who brought up the topic tried to lighten the mood, but just ended up digging in deeper. One of the youngest then tried to help out with a little levity. The kids all chuckled, I did not. I had the opportunity to be magnanimous, and I whiffed it. I was too harsh, and I used way too many words for the occasion. When we all finally reconvened at the table, and had enough food to lighten all of our moods I asked the kids how they would like things to be done differently. One of them admitted that they didn't like to be chastised, but at the same time they would do the same things if they were in my shoes. I can't tell you how much that helped me. No one likes to be corrected, but at least they see that the correction is needed.
I also had the opportunity to see how my children reacted differently to the situation. I had a couple that tried to lighten the mood with humor. They need to work on timing, but hey, don't we all? A couple ended up in tears, mostly because they just didn't know what else to do. Several just sat silently waiting for the storm to pass. Some gave some helpful feedback. I'm sure that in the end, I learned more from the incident than any of them did. I got to see what is in their hearts, and for those who would share what they were thinking, I got to see how they are processing what happens around them. Their lives are hidden in Christ, and I need to remember that I don't have the full picture of what he is doing in them.
I am responsible for my children. When they mess up, I am in some part to blame, and it is my job to help with the restoration. I don't know everything they do, or say, but I am responsible anyway. They may get into trouble because of something I have neglected to teach them. They may get into trouble because I do things differently than the person in charge of whatever it is that is happening. I may get into trouble because I didn't listen to something that they did tell me. There are a thousand ways that I can trip them up, and they can trip me up. We will get into tangles as we walk through life. Some tangles will be big and ugly, some will be minor. The main thing is that we keep abiding in Christ and with each other. Last night we had several people sideways with each other and they seemed to be genuinely stumped about how to get straight. I finally told them to just own that they had messed up. I had already forgiven them, I just wanted them to see that they had a part in the mix up. A little bit of humility and ownership can go a long way. If you sinned against someone, confess it, the sooner the better. If you aren't sure if it was a sin, but you think they may have hurt feelings, own it. Let them know you see that you may be wrong and you want to make it right. Don't assume they will come and let you know that you hurt them, take the first step. I find myself asking my children frequently how I could have done things differently. I want to see things from their perspective. When I get phone calls from other parents, I am glad. If they feel like they can call me to straighten something out, then I am doing something right. If they are afraid to call me, then I'm not helping anybody. Being responsible is an awesome thing, and the more people I have to help along the way the better.
Abiding in Christ takes a lot of wisdom. You can't make enough rules to get you into any relationship. You can't disrespect all the rules and keep a relationship. You need to get to know the one who makes the rules. If you know what he expects you don't need rules. You will know what things please him, and what things disappoint him. If I am living in a way that demonstrates my love for Jesus my older brother, and God my father, by the grace of the holy spirit that will go farther than any number of rules I can lay out for my children. If they want to live on the edge, they can find the glory in that. Jesus has edges, and he has plans for people who like to live on them. He has placed every single person in my house for a reason. We all have gifts to give to one another. Those gifts aren't always given at the perfect time, but they are still gifts. I make a lot of mistakes, but I have many eyes to help me see them. I am so grateful for this bustling house of sinners that give me countless opportunities to practice repentance and forgiveness. I am thankful for another day, to give it another shot and hopefully do it a little bit better this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment