Should've been a soldier

Back in the days when I was young and wondering what I should do with my life, my high school guidance counselor had me take some kind of personality profile.  I was a decent student in a smallish high school in a logging town planning to go to college.  My profile suggested that I would be very good in the military or some sort of manual labor.  My guidance counselor was not pleased by this information and assured me that these tests are flawed.  I found it funny at the time.  I can say unequivocally that it was quite accurate.  I like very clear specific directions, lots of structure, and to be working outside with my hands.  I also do not have the ability to process a lot of details.  I'm great with the big picture, but when it gets down to the nitty gritty I tend to fall asleep or pretend to. I have thought about this a lot since high school.

My current job is kicking my butt.   I have reached the absolute maximum number of things that I can even attempt to manage.  I am not able to plan, teach, administrate, discipline, and mother everyone in my home well.  Yesterday I was scraping the bottom of the barrel quite frankly.

This morning I discovered that in this darkness I am learning that all of my work will amount to nothing.  My husband cannot fix all of the things I want him to fix.  My kids will live their own lives and continue learning long after I am pushing up daisies.  My job is simply to love the people around me, and stand in awe of God.  I may just be the worst home schooling mom ever, but as long as I love my kids and teach them to love one another and serve their Lord I will still have done well.  Simple, but not always easy.  It is a whole lot easier than trying to keep up with the Jones and look like I have it all together.

I am thankful for: times I didn't listen to good advice, times I did listen to good advice (that was a lot less often), large families, big messes, sleeping babies, boys that like to play outside, friends that let the boys play in their back yards, tea, curly hair, children's writing it's so honest, grandpas that like to play outside too.